“well you’re dependent on these cigarettes aren’t you? you look for these whenever you feel stressed, tired, depressed - basically anything even though you know it’s bad for you,” you tilted your head up, rapidly blinking to keep any tears at bay. “i’m the same way, except it’s not cigarettes i look for.” it was quiet for a moment, a cool breeze drifting by as you tried to figure out how you were supposed to word what you wanted to say next. 

“what’s going on,” aki’s voice was unusually soft, a type of gentleness you’ve never received from him before. this caused you to open your eyes, looking at him with a weary smile. 

“i’m quitting public safety,” although you tried so hard to keep it in, tears began to silently fall down your cheeks. you saw something change in aki’s expression, although you couldn’t quite put a name to it. “i didn’t come here to try to convince you to quit with me. i know you are too focused on your goal,” your voice was strained as you kept eye contact with him. without too much of a second thought, you took his hand in yours. “i came to tell you that you better not even think of fucking dying,”

using your other hand, you began to wipe the tears that now seemed to be flooding out in a nonstop stream. sobs begin to wrack you body as you curl into yourself. too distracted by the sound of your own sobs, you didnt even register the feeling of aki rubbing circles on your back. 

“y/n look at me,” he cupped your face in his hand, tilting your head up to look at him. the sight of his glassy eyes was enough to shock you enough to stop crying. cigarette long forgotten, he moves his other hand to wipe the tears off of both of your cheeks. in this moment aki knew what he was going to do would be incredibly selfish. he knew this would be a horrible idea that would hurt both you and him. but seeing the desperate look in your eyes was enough for him to want to throw it all away. within an instant his lips found yours, kissing you just as desperately as you looked only moments ago. 

without wasting another second you kissed him back just as passionately, tangling your fingers in his hair as you squeezed your eyes shut tightly. the kiss was messy, teeth and tongue clashing as the two of you tried to show the other all the feelings you kept buried. aki only broke the kiss when he absolutely needed to take a breath, leaning his forehead against yours as he panted against your lips.

“this is a bad idea,” you murmured with a dry chuckle as you traced his bottom lip with your thumb. “this is a very bad idea,” slightly hurt by your words, despite knowing how true they were, aki was about to pull back. was about to maybe give you one final hug before sending you home. but as soon as you felt the slightest shift in his position you grabbed his arm. “but we already came this far…”

“we don’t have to go any farther,” he spoke softly as his lips moved against yours. he was willing to go as far as you wanted tonight. knowing this would be the last night you would ever see each other.

“i want to.”

you weren’t sure how you ended up in aki’s bed, a blur of bumping into furniture while kissing messily being the only explanation you had. here you were now, under aki as he absolutely worshiped your body. leaving wet kisses over the expanse of your collar bone and neck, he began unbuttoning your shirt. his shirt, along with your jacket were tossed somewhere along the path to his bed.

“aki,” you called softly, carding your hand in his hair to try to pull you away from your neck. he immediately got the message, placing his lips on yours as he finally got your shirt completely off, tossing it who knows where before bringing one hand to grab at your breast.

with neither of you wanting to break the kiss, the both of you struggled to get each others pants off, giggling into the kiss at how much harder you were making this for yourselves. after finally managing to shed off your pants only the thin material of your underwear remained. experimentally, aki pushed his hips down onto yours, pulling a moan out of both of you at the warm feeling og long awaited stimulation.

with a cautious roll of his hips, aki couldn’t help the small whimper that left his lips. burying his head into the crook of your neck, he continued to rut his hips into you, earning moans and whines from the both of you. 

“aki- please-,” your voice was filled with a desperation that you were embarrassed to admit you had. covering your eyes with your arm, you bit your lip, trying not to make too much noise as he pressed into your clit. with a shaky hand, he pulls your panties to the side, experimentally swiping ahead along your slit. gripping onto his shoulder tightly with your free hand you tried to keep your hips from bucking up into his touch.  

you could feel aki’s ragged breath fan against your neck as he slowly pushed one finger inside, cursing against your hot skin when he felt your fluttering hole clench around him. it didn’t take long for you to start begging for more. which he happily obliged, pushing two fingers in and curling his fingers upward and into the spongy spot inside of you. when you felt his thumb brush roughly against your clit you let out a small mewl, thighs trembling softly as the pleasure continued to build up. 

growing impatient, you snake your hand between your bodies and cup his erection, squeezing softly. you turn your head just a bit to whisper in his ear.

“i want you aki,” your breathless voice seemed to bring aki back to earth, causing him to lift his head to look at you. there was a certain pain in his eyes that you knew both of you would be feeling for the foreseeable future.

“yeah?” he asked softly, his tongue swiping over his bottom lip as you nod your head. “okay- okay needa grab a condo-” you grab onto his arm as he reaches toward his nightstand drawer, shaking your head timidly. “y/n that’s a bad idea,” his voice was soft, as he hovered over you.

“you can use one if you want,” you squeeze his arm weakly, trying to offer a comforting smile. “im just saying we don’t have to… i trust you aki,” the shadows on your face from the city lights being filtered by his blinds made your features look so much softer. he took a moment to take in your face, trying so hard to commit every little detail to memory. 

he exhaled shakily, placing a chaste kiss on your lips before pulling away, taking off his briefs before sliding himself back between his legs. you sit up, leaning against your elbows as you take in the sight of his hair cascading around his head, covering his face completely as he kept his head down.

he shifted closer to you until the backs of your thighs rested snuggly against the top of his. raising his head, he studied your expression before his eyes trekked down your body, all the way down to where the two of you would soon be connected.

“ let me know if you need me to stop,” he mumbled as he held onto your thigh, other hand languidly jerking himself off a couple times before running it between your folds. “oh fuck,” slowly, he began to slowly push himself inside you. 

you whimpered out his name, head thrown back as you felt him shift over you, leaning over slightly to place his lips on yours. you were tight around him, walls clenching as he pressed into you. gripping onto the sheets under you, you sat up, leaning back on your hands as your mouth chased his. he placed a hand against the nape of your neck with a sort of tenderness you knew would be the first and last time feeling it. he placed his other hand on the small  of your back , shifting your position until you were straddling his lap, chests pressed together as he bottomed out inside of you. 

you wrap your arms around his shoulders, burying your face into his neck as you tentatively lift your hips before dropping back down. your movement elicited moans from both of you as aki moved his hands to your hips.

smothering kisses all along aki’s neck, you began to move your hips with his help, soft pants and whines leaving both of you as the muted sound of skin slapping clouded the room. no words were spoken for a while, too scared to verbalize feelings and wishes that could never be fulfilled. 

aki brought his hand down to your lower abdomen, using his thumb to rub at your clit as he continued to help you fuck yourself on his dick. you clawed at his shoulder blades, a string of whines and calls for his name falling on all too eager ears as your thighs started to tremble. 

“ gonna cum aki,” you felt tears well in your eyes for a multitude of reasons. the three word phrase was on the tip of your tongue and you so desperately wanted to say it. he swore under his breath at the feeling of you clenching around him so hard.

“go ahead yn, let- let go,” his voice was strained, almost sounding painful as he exercised all restraint to not cum inside you when he felt you cum around him with a high pitched whine. he didn’t last long, quickly lifting you off of his dick, and jerking himself off until he came all over your stomach. 

your legs ached as you continued to sit on his lap, heads resting against each other as you both came down. when reality began to sit in you felt the tears pooling in your eyes again. 

“aki i-”

“don’t,” his voice definitely sounded very pained now, his hands balled into fists on your thighs. 

“i’m sorry,”

“y/n please don’t-” you quickly cupped his face in your hands, tilting his head to make eye contact with you. through the light sneaking in the otherwise dark room, you could see the tears slowly falling down his cheeks. 

“i’m sorry,” your voice cracked as you tried to blink the tears away. “aki i love you.”