Top Posts Tagged with #abuseive

yo yo yo whats up my broskisss warning for abuse/being abusive & slight self ow under the cuttt

just remembered why im terrified to make have close friends or a partner whenever that happens! I am a very angry person & i have no control over my emotions or anything like that, and when i get super mad i just kinda get blinded by rage & either hurt myself (like banging my head against the desk or hitting myself or scratching myself) or i break things or hurt people near me (there is currently a crack & a panel missing on my computer & i scratched my sibling across the face over a plushie) so just imagen what would happen if i got attached to someone & then got mad at or around them?? same with being in a relationship! i would most definitely abuse them physically & mentally then be alright & sweet once im calmed down! if i wanna be in a relationship with someone i love them like SERIOUSLY LOVE THEM more than anyone, so it would destroy me if i hurt them. but if i hurt them & make them not love me or even make them hate me.. and after getting super mad at them, would i blame them afterward?? make it all about myself?? i would understand them hating me but if they left me would i have a mental breakdown? would i just snap? would i try to hurt them?? what if i kill them in blind rage?? i want to be loved & the good parts.. but what about the bad?? more my bad & anger?? i wouldn't wanna hurt them but i cant control what happens when im mad! i always try to be the protector for people i like but i would more be the antagonist, monster, villain whatever you wanna call it! my high points are super fun & nice, but my low points are super awful... i think next time i get to a super low point/very angry i think ima just lock myself up in my room..

#vent #Abuse tw #abuseive #i have no control

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do you ever just like, hate yourself, like when you hurt a friend and you feel like you should just fucking die. becuse atm im feeling like that. jesus chirst i just want to show emotions but i dont know how to, and i dont know how to take critisum, and like FUCKING I CANT DEAL WITH LIFE. i personally need somebody to be deppressed with me, witch sounds like a dick thing i know but like i need somebody i can discuse how i want to die with and them not be freaked out, but insted talk about how they want to die, i need a frined i can just cry to and them bee like “it will be ok friend im here fore you” etc but like i dont , i pushed away the only frined i had like this and i dont know how to get them back, and now i just pushed another gr8 friend away, I DONT KNOW HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE BECUSE PEOPLE SCARE ME, and im sorry if any of those friends i pushed away are reading this, even if they do read this... im sorry i just, i dont know how to show ppl i actually care for them, and like the way i show appreaction isnt like being like “i care for you” no the way i show apprecation is a shitty way, im fucking abusive i know this, like i talk to my friends like there worthless, tbh rn i would love it if somebody was to come ot me and just fucking stab me over ad over, i need somebody who i can talk about my deppression, but i cant becuse im scared of meeting new people, what the hell am i sopose to im sorry, i so fucking sorry. like holy shit fuck me. i wish i could just repeat today and fix eeverything.

#deppression #deppressing #deppressing as fuck #abuseive #sorry #friendshit #shut up evan

//Just a quick showcase of my mother

She said while Robin Williams was a good actor, bu she didn't watch anything lately because he is always inappropriately playing priests. While yes it could be seen as offensive i didn't understand what this had to do with his death. Then I realized she meant that his death shouldn't even be note worthy.

Then she focused to say how he should have been thinking more about his children before he committed suicide. Side Note real quick I have depression she says depression is a demon people invite into themselves and have to get out themselves. So She said if she was a child Robin Williams' she 's wonder if she wasnst good enough for him , wasn't she enough for him to stay for. I tried explaining to her that if you have depression , it's like getting hit in the chest by a shark at full speed and it stays there. You can barley think let alone think about others. Especially if he had been drinking or taking drugs, which can be a depressant. shye said 'he should never had started drinking or doing drugs in the first place'. she then goes to blame everything that happened to him, his fault.

She judges this man based off his failures, ones he has tried to correct. She says he's selfish because of something he couldn't help, a chemical imbalance and i am sure a mix of several other things in his life. This is the type of woman who uses her religion and a greater than thou attitude as an excuse to judge people. When all I can do is try not to cry and wonder and feel something i couldn't even explain in words about how alone this man must've been before his death.

#ooc #abuseive