#abuse mtn

Mental illness is great bc sometimes your brain throws bullshit thoughts at you like being sad that you sometimes forget that you even had an abusive ex. Like feeling a gross tinge of nostalgia for the period of the deepest depressions.

Also I am a bit vindictive against Simone over that article specifically because I dated a man who was into that shit and knowing what HE was like, I cannot venture shes not much better as a partner and her spouting harmful ideology, essentially saying "You're uncomfortable with rape porn because you're not woke enough :/" is exactly the type of ideology and posting that led me to accept my abuse and roll with it.

The only like flat out parental abuse I had as a kid was getting spanked but even that lead to a massive distance between me and my dad and fear, especially combined with my brother hurting me constantly and it just being ignored. Like if he just didn’t fucking hit a child maybe we’d be closer but now theres just an insurmountable awkward wall built up over 16 or so years laid on a foundation of spanking and pain as a teacher. He was good and supportive often later but just you have to understand if you are to be a parent that pain as a teacher will just lead to resentment and fear and you will not have the child that loves you that you wanted. You’ll have someone whose afraid of you and even though you haven’t hit them in over a decade gets scared at your raised voice and stays away from home because theres only really the connection you get from having lived with someone for 18 years

I guess the problem with me getting over my abuse mostly is that now that I am not posting about it at least once a week that people don’t know to stay the fuck away from certain topics as much! 

Im sleep but holy shit i love Praying so fucking mucj

having been abused makes dating hard bc like you constantly are checking “am I being abusive: and read into every little thing you do while simultaneously being afraid of your partner, even if you fully love and trust them, of turning on you or having been using you long term like... that shit fucks you up man. 

powerful feeling: when songs you associated with your abuser are listenable again and able to be recontextualized. the taint or stain may remain on the song but its no longer the primary thought.