#abstradreams

“Fuck.” Dean looked around him again “Fuck.” He repeated. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” He lifted one of the sticks to look at it again, “Of fucking course,” He gritted out. He threw the first positive pregnancy test out, followed by the second and then the third. He sat down on the edge of the bathtub and rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair.

He didn’t need to deal with this. He really, really didn’t. He had enough shit going on with his life and he really couldn’t be bringing a kid into his life at the moment. Sure him and Cas had talked about having kids, but not for a very long time. Not until a time when Cas could be there and not shipped off to god-knows-where.

        Dean placed a hand over his stomach. If he thought about it, he could already feel a small bump having seemingly already formed.

Dean jumped when he heard the garage door open and slam shut, indicating that Cas was back from getting their groceries. He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror, making sure that his face didn’t betray anything about what he had just learned. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He would call the doctors the next day just to make sure. Store bought pregnancy tests could always lie, he told himself.

        “Dean?” He heard Cas call. He nodded to his reflection and left the bathroom just as Cas was turning around the corner. Castiel gave him a questioning look. “What were you doing in there?” He asked.

        “Using the bathroom,” Dean laughed. “it’s what you do in a bathroom Cas.” Dean replied with an easy smile before walking past his husband and to the kitchen where the bags of groceries were currently sitting. “Need help putting these away?” He asked, as his husband came to stand next to him.

        “No. I should be able to do it myself.” Castiel replied. Dean nodded.

        “ ’Kay, then. Shout when you’re done and I’ll cook dinner.” Dean said over his shoulder on his way out of the kitchen. He grabbed the phone from its spot and went into what was considered to be the office to call the doctor’s office.

**

        “Alright, Mr. Winchester. This will be done and over with soon enough.” The Doctor reassured for the hundredth time. The doctor had caught onto his nervousness, but had the wrong impression about it. Dean wasn’t nervous about getting his blood drawn, it was what the proceeding blood test would confirm. “You’ll feel a small pinch,” the doctor continued, lining the needle up with the vein in Dean’s arm.

Dean didn’t even flinch when the doctor pushed the needle into his skin and took the amount of blood necessary. “There. That wasn’t bad.” The doctor said as he placed a cotton ball over the small wound.

Dean resisted rolling his eyes as he shrugged his over shirt back on. He was not a kid, he was thirty-fucking-years old. Old enough for the doctor to not speak to him like he was a child terrified of the doctors. “Thanks doc.” He said jumping off the bed and grabbing his jacket that he had thrown on a chair. “Is that all?” He was ready to get out of there and pretend he hadn’t just been there for the reason he had been there.

        “Yes,” the doctor flipped through the clipboard and looked up at Dean with a smile on his face. “That should be it. Unless you have any other questions?”

        Dean shook his head. “That was it.”

        “Then you should be free to go. Your results should be in, in a few days, depending on how busy the lab is. We’ll give you a call. Sound good?”

        “Yeah, sounds good. Can I go?” Dean asked. He was anxious to get out of the small room. The doctor must have read his anxiety as something else because he smiled wide at Dean.

        “Yes, of course. I’m sure your husband is waiting for you.”

        “Uh, yeah, sure.” Dean said hand on the doorknob, “Thanks.” Was the last thing he said before he all but ran out of the doctor’s office and to the safety of his car.

        He sat there in the parking lot breathing, trying to slow his heart rate. He jumped when his cell phone rang next to him, letting out a short breath seeing that it was Cas calling him. “Hello.” He answered

        “Hello Dean.” The sound of his husband’s voice was calming to Dean and it made him forget he was still sitting in the middle of the hospital parking lot. “Are you on your way home?”

        “Yeah, just got in the car.” Dean replied, “You okay?”

        “Yes. We need milk and chicken, can you pick that up before you get home?”

        “Yeah, I can do that.” Dean said, maybe a bit too happy. The thought of doing something so simple, so common, so boring, made Dean feel happy. It would take his mind off things for a bit.

        “Thank you,” Dean could practically hear the small frown that would probably be gracing Castiel’s face. “I’ll see you when you get home.”

        “Yep. Love you.”

        “I love you too.”

        Castiel disconnected.

        Dean let out a sigh.

**

        Dean had been snappish all day. Everything set Dean on edge, no matter what Cas did, Dean would yell at him for one thing or another. At dinner that night they both ate in silence, Dean focusing on his plate and not throwing up, and Cas reading the newspaper for the hundredth time that day. When the phone rang Dean jumped up and rushed to it, grabbing it out of the holder and answering without even looking at the caller ID.

        “Hello?” He glanced over at Cas who had gone back to looking through the newspaper.

        “Hello, this is Doctor Hendrickson’s office, is Dean Winchester available?”

        Dean felt his mouth dry out and he licked his lips, “This is him.”

        “Great.” He could almost picture the smile on the doctor’s face. “Your tests came back earlier.”

        “Yeah?” Dean prompted, wanting the doctor to get to the part where he confirmed what Dean already knew.

        “And, congratulations. You are pregnant.” The doctor paused, as if waiting for Dean to say something. When that didn’t happen he continued on. “Now we can schedule you a scan to get a look at your baby and see how far along you are, sound good?”

        Dean tried to swallow, he felt like his stomach had dropped. “Yeah.” He agreed.

        “How does Thursday sound?” the doctor asked. “At three?”

        “That-“Dean swallowed, “That sounds good.”

        “Alright. Let me place you then.” Dean could hear the doctor typing on the computer, “And there we go. I’ll see you at Thursday at three then.”

        “Yep.” Dean confirmed.

        “Alright. See you then Dean.”        

        “Yeah. Bye.”

Dean hung up the phone and placed it back in its holder. He took a few breaths to try and calm himself down. He was pregnant. He was going to have a kid. A real, breathing, alive kid that would look like him and Cas. He liked that thought, he didn’t like the thought of raising it practically alone though.

His breaths came out harsher and he felt tears start to well up in his eyes. He couldn’t be in the house at the moment. He grabbed his keys and all but ran out of the house, ignoring Cas calling after him. He would tell Cas later, at the moment he needed to be by himself.

He vowed to tell Cas after the scan.

**

           “It’s good to see you.” Doctor Hendrickson greeted as he came into the room while the nurse was prepping for the sonogram.

        “Can say the same to you.” Dean easily replied back.

        “Your husband isn’t here?” the doctor asked, glancing around the room as if Cas would have been hiding behind the door.

        “Uh, no. Couldn’t make it.” Dean gave as an explanation. Cas was instead at home with no knowledge where Dean was at the moment.

        “Shame. It’s always nice to have both parents here. Oh well. Let’s get this started shall we. Ready to get your first picture of your child?” Hendrickson asked. Dean nodded. “I’m gonna need you to lift your shirt up and lie down.” He waited as Dean did as told. “Now this will be cold.” The doctor said as the nurse put the gel on his stomach. Dean flinched  and tried to relax. “It’s okay Dean.” The doctor said as he begin take the wand across Dean’s stomach in search of the life within it. “Ah, there we go. Let’s see here. Oh, well congratulations Dean looks like you’re going to have twins.” The nurse beamed at Dean, he could only stare at the two of them.

        “Excuse me? I’m going to have twins?” Dean repeated.

        “Yep.” Hendrickson replied.  “Take a look. Here’s one.” He pointed to one small shape on the screen. “And here’s the other.” He pointed to another shape. “Twins. Don’t look like much now, so I’m guessing you’re only about a couple of months along.”

        Cas had only been home for a couple of months, he could probably guess the exact day that he had been knocked up.

        “Well, everything looks good so far. Would you like a picture?” Dean could only nod. He sat silently as the doctor cleaned him up and handed him a grainy picture of the kids inside of him. “Okay. I want to see you back in, oh, four weeks?”

        “Sounds good.” Dean agreed to the date the doctor had spouted out. “See you then.”

**

        Dean sat in his car once he got home, staring at the sonogram. It had sat in the seat next to him all the way home, taunting him. As much as he hated the thought of practically raising two kids by himself he couldn’t help but be a bit excited. He was going to have kids.

        He jumped when Castiel opened the passenger door and slid into the Impala. “I heard the car and you never came in.” Castiel offered as his explanation. Dean nodded, dropping the picture into his lap. Castiel looked at his hands. “I’m sorry for whatever I have done.”

        “What?” Dean asked, confused as to what his husband was talking about.

        “You’ve been mad lately. I thought I might have done something, but I wasn’t sure what. So, I’m sorry.”

        “You haven’t done anything, Cas.” Dean told him.

        Castiel looked up at him, “Oh.” Castiel glanced down in Dean’s lap, noticing the sonogram. “What’s this?” He asked grabbing it before Dean could.

        “Uh,” Dean started, wiping his now sweaty palms on his jeans. He watched as Castiel stared at the grainy black and white picture of their kids.

        “Is this-?” Castiel begin looking up at Dean silently asking for Dean to confirm.

        “Surprise?” Dean said. Castiel looked at the picture again.

        “You’re-“

        “Pregnant? Yeah.” Dean confirmed. Castiel looked up at him with wide eyes. “With-“ Dean swallowed. “With, uh, twins.

        “Twins?” Castiel repeated.

        “Yeah. Uh.” Dean scooted closer to Castiel. “Baby one,” Dean pointed to one blob on the sonogram. “And, uh, baby two.” He pointed to the other. “Or so the doctor tells me.” Dean let out a shaky laugh.

        Castiel stared at the sonogram for a moment longer and Dean couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking. He didn’t think he would be able to stand it if Cas wasn’t happy.

        “How long have you known?” Castiel asked finally.

        Dean wasn’t expecting that question. “Uh, about a week, for sure. Maybe about three?”

        “And you didn’t think to tell me?”

        “What? Of course I thought to tell you.”

        “Then why didn’t you?” Castiel asked looking straight at Dean.

Dean always felt like Castiel could see right through him whenever he looked at him like that. He shifted away from Castiel feeling uncomfortable. “Uh-“

        “I am your husband, I will always be there for you. There should never be a reason why you should feel like you need to hide something from me.” Dean looked down at his lap as Castiel talked.

        “It’s not that,” Dean begin. “Jesus, I don’t even know. I freaked out, okay? You’re gone for like a year at a time on deployment and I freaked out thinking I was going to have a raise a kid by myself and I didn’t know what to do.” Dean turned to look out the driver’s side window into their front yard. He felt Castiel’s hand on his knee.

        “I may not be here as much as I would like to be, but you would never have to raise our kids alone.”

        Dean looked at the hand on his leg before looking up at Cas. “I know.” He sighed, covering Castiel’s hand with his own. Castiel gave Dean a small smile.

        “I have dinner in the oven.” Castiel told Dean.

        Dean looked surprised at his husband. Castiel didn’t usually cook, in fact Castiel seemed to avoid the kitchen at all costs. Which Dean didn’t mind, the kitchen was his favorite place, not that he would tell everyone that.

        Castiel begin to blush, “I was, um,”

        “Hoping to butter me up?” Dean finished, laughing a little.

        “Yes.” Castiel replied, shooting Dean a small grin.

        Dean patted Castiel’s hand. “Well let’s go eat then. I’m actually hungry right now.” He opened the car door and got out slamming it shut as he waited for Cas to get out and go ahead of him into the house.