“Remember the old days... How everything used to be? We used to be so happy. I miss that. I miss us. How normal it used to be. You and I used to smile so much... Look at all that water. I love the ocean because it reminds me of all the wonderful times we used to have here. The sounds and the sights, and the smell, it just makes me so happy. All of those memories and feelings help me live. The hope that maybe everything will be like they used to be gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. I don’t dream anymore. I know a lot of people say that but I really don’t. It’s hard to dream when everything you used to dream about is a nightmare. I don’t know. I’m sorry. Sometimes I still cling to that memory, hoping. You always look the same while you’re asleep. It’s like reliving an old memory. So calm, so peaceful, almost happy. It reminds me of the old me, the one I thought I knew before all this. I’m not a stranger to these feelings. Loneliness, emptiness, anger. But I thought we worked through them. I thought we defeated them, together. Instead they stand in defiance in the back of my mind slowly inching their way forward again. When’s this going to stop? Tell me. Please tell me. Say you’ll make it better again. I miss the way it was. The way things were. I would rather die than know that I will never relive those moments again. Because this isn’t living, this isn’t anything at all. I would rather die.”
Abra Bigham The Acacia Strain - Observer
