#aboutdeath

And that’s the one thing most of us do not think of unless we are forced to. And life forces us, sooner or later, in a variety of ways.

If we’ve been lucky, our first brush of death was, on a Disney movie. 

I was really young, maybe 5 or 6 years old when I first saw Bambi. And I didn’t quite understand what happened on that scene where Bambi’s mother doesn’t come back, but I knew something bad had happened, just for the music, and the desperate tone of Bambi’s voice while searching for her.

Still, in a child mind, death is not a concept easy to comprehend. I could play the movie again (not that I did often) and Bambi’s mother would be there again. 

At this point in my life, I am unable to watch that movie without becoming a sobbing mess. I, however, recognize know that Bambi is a story that shows, in a way, how after suffering such loss, life can turn out to be beautiful again.

Later in life, I experienced the loss of a pet more than once. Each of them have been really special for me. The dogs I’ve lost have lived long and happy lives, which is a consolation for the change of them not being there anymore. 

Every time one of our dogs passed away, the entire family swore that never again would we own a dog, the pain was too new and strong, we could never love a new pet again the same way.

Yet, another beautiful creature came along and loved us so much that we were unable to resist. We loved them all in a different way from one another. 

It’s different with people.

They are really irreplaceable. And the void their absence leaves cannot be filled again.

I still miss my grandparents, almost 14 years away from their deaths. 

I still miss my uncle after 3 years he passed.

And now, I deeply miss my mother in law, and it has only been a month. I know there is a long road to walk for us to feel fine again. 

This situation has made terribly aware that, at one point in life, what has happened to my boyfriend will happen to me. The fear I feel when I think of it brings tears to my eyes and I quickly search for ways to distract myself from those thoughts.

The reality remains, we can’t predict the future. Maybe tomorrow, we’ll be here. Maybe not. 

I choose now, to live as fully as I can with what I have. 

I choose to strive for more, but to not live unhappy with the circumstances the present has for me.

I choose peace with all my heart and soul, I choose growth.