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balmorhea makes me think of you
i am reaching out to you not because i miss you but because i miss the idea of you. i do not want you to tell me you love me anymore. no more gazing into my eyes pretending you see far beyond what the blue/grey holds. i want you here with me because i want sex and i want a warm body around my body. i do not need another love affair, i need another cock.
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my motherfucking ex boyfriend jesus ughhHHHH
cage came over on monday. he gave me my stuff back. we went to coffee and talked. then we walked around for like 3 hours. then he kissed me. then we fucked against a tree.
why do things always escalate so quickly with me???
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i feel so fucking weird. sad but not really. exhausted. anxious. but excited to move in to my new place. but numb. plus cage is coming tomorrow to pick up his stuff and give me all of mine back. and even though i'm fine and over it i think, it'll still be sucky to see him again and remember what we had/good times and stuff.
numb numb numbbbbbbbb i need to ~blaze~
why did you and cage break up?
he couldn’t accept me being poly. when we first started dating, he said he totally accepted it and was happy i knew what i wanted, and then as we got more serious, he grew more possessive over me and would make me feel guilty every time i told him i was seeing someone else— which was the agreement he said he was most comfortable with. if he knew when i was with someone else.
and because he couldn’t accept it and “tried” to, he decided it would be best to distance himself from me so he wouldn’t get as affected when i was with other people. so he started ignoring me and being rude to me and being a general dickhead.
so i got tired of all the stupid games when i had clearly told him from the beginning who i was and what i needed from the relationship. so i broke up with him. it sucks because i still have feelings for him, but he was such a dick towards the end that i just don’t think anything can be fixed at this point.
i guess i feel the difference. when i broke up with sam, i sobbed for weeks. and was depressed for like 2 months until we got back together (which i didn't know was going to happen at all).
and with cage. i broke up with him like 6 hours ago and i sobbed while it was happening, but now i'm just sad. i'm not depressed. i doubt i'll cry anymore tonight either. but i'm really sad.
