Hey guys, first thing first, warning for brief description of depression ( actually it depends on how you dechiper it) and self-blame. I have never posted something like this before and im only writing this based on personal view and experience so pls any feedback is valued, any at all!

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Aaron honestly had nothing to mope about.

No, really.

He had just returned from a nice outing with his best friends- who were both amazing people and Aaron loved them dearly (goodness, he really did)-, he was going to graduate from his final year at Magisterium which would earn him a complete gold cuff and he had even nailed a secure spot in Collegian by his second semester.

So why? Why was he laying on the edge of his bed, unmoving, legs dangling off the mattress awkwardly, fully dressed in the clothes he had worn out? He didn’t exactly want to sleep in dirty clothes from a rather eventful picnic but he didn’t exactly want to get up and change either (he really should). He knew staying like this would end in a massive back pain but he didn’t feel the urge to shuffle to a comfortable position (he knew he really should).

He just laid there; bothered and aware by the fact that -eventually- he had moved but took no action about it. He had his homework on his mind too (god, he really, really should). He knew where it was -on his desk untouched since Friday night- and he definitely knew how much that essay would account for in his final theory exam. He, like every other Gold Year mage, felt the heavy pressure of graduation heavy on his chest.

Now if he was really so worried about finishing it, he could simply get up and well- finish it.

So, didn’t he?

Why let the stress loom over him at the thought of such a doable task? He could just do it.

Aaron was cold too.

He had forgotten to turn off the air-conditioning in his dorm before he left so he was greeted with humid, cool breeze at the front door. He should had grabbed the remote control before he plopped onto his bed because suddenly the idea of reaching over to his nightstand was too vigorous (it’s just too much work).

So many things he had to do, so many of them he would do, and even more of them he could do.

He just didn’t want to do them…? No, that didn’t seem right.

It wasn’t fair to say that he couldn’t do them either because really, he knew that he could (if he just got up and just did it for god’s sake).

Above all, lord knows he should do them, these things would greatly benefit him and more importantly, he needed to do it. It was how life worked; you give effort and you get results (though the results and efforts weren’t also equivalent).

Instead, there he was moping.

Was it moping? He genuinely didn’t think he was sad or anything but he wouldn’t call himself happy? and besides, nothing had happened that had hurt his mood or anything.

So, if Aaron Stewart had to give his current feeling a name, he’d call it grey.

Grey like when a new graphic is loading, it’s just blank for a moment. Neither fully something nor absolutely nothing. Like he was caught in the middle of every emotion he has ever felt in life and just stuck there, unable to actually feel any of those emotions. No, not numb. He felt.

But he didn’t know what he felt.

Unmotivated? Possibly. Tired? Well… Upset? He hoped not. Frustrated? At what?

Aaron remained still on his bed. (Maybe hours have passed? How much time had he wasted? God, he truly was pointless.)

Suddenly, there was an overwhelming wave of shame raining on the boy, making him feel like he was drowning in it (stupid, stupid, stupid). It rushed up his throat and flushed his cheeks. It was almost painful to feel so strongly after having adjusted to the grey. It was guilt.

Humiliation.

(stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…)

He was ungrateful, he knew it. He had countless blessings in his life. Countless. Life was good. He had a family, friends, education, food, warmth, health- heck, magic. Aaron was so angry at himself. He was so selfish. So spoiled. He had everything he needed. Yet, there he laid, moping.

(selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, SELFISH)

He had no right to be upset, compared to Call who couldn’t remember what it was like to have wind whip past your face when you run fast enough, who couldn’t whish up a little magic without the constant fear breathing down his neck that he’ll get caught (who would ever stop fearing the Enemy of Death), or compared to Tamara who had to stand tall with the weight of her sisters’ accomplishment bearing on her own shoulders and scavenge her way to outdo every single medal they received, who couldn’t let anything, anything hurt her image so she wouldn’t have to avert her eyes from her parents’ steel gaze whenever they met.

God, he was awful. Pitying his own situation when there was so much more hurt around him. He had no right to feel whatever it was he felt.

None at all.

Aaron honestly had nothing to mope about.

———-

Please do share your opinions! Sorry it was a filler with literally no plot, i think ive lost my writing abilities after the hiatus so pls be patient with me as i figure how doing all this works again :)

Thoughts?

Football fanfiction: Aaron Murray in a car accident

AN: look up "Aaron Murray UGA pictures" and you'll see why I like him. Plus, he's a good football player.

"Josh, why are you going so slow?" Aaron asked, as he saw his brother going slow.

"There’s a drunk driver behind us… I’m gonna pull over so he can pass us." Josh said. He pulled over, but instead of passing them, he hit on Josh’s side of the car. The car was pushed into a tree on Aaron’s side of the car. Josh banged his head against the steering wheel, causing him to pass out. Aaron started panicking when he couldn’t move his leg. "Don’t panic. Just try to wake up Josh." Aaron told himself. He tried to move, but his stomach let out a big protest at the movement. He screamed in pain. He looked down and saw metal sticking out.

"J-Josh. You g-gotta wake u-up. I n-need you." Aaron said, gulping in air. Tears were streaming down his face. He sighed in relief when he heard Josh groan.

"A-Aaron?" Josh asked. Aaron nodded his head, but then remembered Josh wasn’t looking at him.

"I-I’m h-here." Aaron said softly. Josh turned his head to look at Aaron and saw the damage.

"Geez, Aaron. Y-you’re pretty b-bad." Josh said. Aaron nodded his head.

"S-so a-are y-you." Aaron managed to get out. Josh shook his head. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and called 911.

"Aaron, they said they’d be here soon. You can hang on for that l-long, right?" Josh said, his voice cracking at the end as he thought about losing his baby brother. Aaron nodded his head.

"I-I remember when we were little, and you would run up to me after every sports game you played and hugged me." Josh said, then chuckled.

"Y-you w-were m-my g-good l-luck c-charm." Aaron said. Josh grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Aaron managed to squeeze it back the best he could.

"And, you’d always be so excited for each game. You’d get so hyped up, and we’d h-have to calm you down." Josh said. He choked back a sob.

"C-cause p-playing s-sports i-is s-so m-much f-fun." Aaron said. Just then, the paramedics arrived. They got Aaron out of the car, and loaded into the ambulance and left. They started working on Josh.

"Big brother?" The guy asked. Josh nodded his head.

"How did you know?" Josh asked, curious.

"I can tell by the look in your eyes that your really worried about him." The guy said, as he finished getting him out. "My name is Michael."

"My name’s Josh. That was Aaron." Josh said. Michael’s eyes widened.

"As in, Aaron and Josh Murray?" Michael asked. Josh nodded as he laid on the stretcher and was loaded into the ambulance.

"Ah man…" Michael said, as he checked Josh’s vital signs. "It looks like you just have a concussion, but I’ll get the doctor just to make sure."

"How about my brother?" Josh asked. Michael shrugged his shoulders.

"I have no idea. Sorry kid." Michael said, and waved goodbye to Josh. It ended up, Josh did have a concussion. He was released though. He called his parents and Stephanie to the hospital and told them what happened. They got up there as soon as they could.

"Where’s my baby?!" Lauren asked, as she gave Josh a big hug.

"Aaron Murray?" The doctor asked as he walked out. They got up and walked over to the doctor.

"Yes, doctor, how is he?" Denny asked. The doctor sighed and looked at his notes.

"Well, he has a minor concussion, he had to have surgery since the metal caused some internal bleeding, and he has a broken leg. We have seen much worse, but it will take a while to get him back on his feet." The doctor said. Stephanie buried her face into Josh’s chest.

"Of course. Can we see him?" Lauren asked. The doctor nodded.

"He’s in ICU for right now, but he’ll be moved out tomorrow morning. Follow me." The doctor said. They went down a hall and passed tons of rooms until they landed on one: 211.

"Here it is." The doctor said. "He may be awake, he may not be. It all just depends on how he’s responding to the pain medication." When they walked in, they saw Aaron hooked up to all sorts of machines. They saw him open his brown eyes when he heard the door open.

"Hey baby. How are you feeling?" Lauren asked, as she kissed his forehead.

"Like I got ran over by a bus." Aaron croaked out. Denny patted his shoulder.

"Well, that’s understandable." Denny said. Stephanie went and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you." Stephanie said. Aaron smiled a small smile.

"I love you too." Aaron said. Josh was next. He came up to Aaron and took his hand in his. Stephanie, Lauren, and Denny left the room to give the two boys some privacy.

"Remember what I was saying in the car?" Josh asked. Aaron nodded. "Well, I also remember this time when we were sleeping, and you had a nightmare. You didn’t wake up mom and dad. You came and woke me up. And I realize now, that it’s my job to protect you at Stephanie. So, if anyone ever hurts you, or your scared, or sick, come to me, ok?" Josh said. Aaron nodded. Josh kissed his forehead. "Love you, little brother."