i wanna kill myself ^w^
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i wanna kill myself ^w^

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everyone is offline hahaha i could kjust kill myself and it wouldnt be a problem!!
boy it is gonna be hard to not talk about shooting myself
hah i mean i dot know hah

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oh and my brain keeps saying things like “jin would be upset you’re doing this” but its better this way 😊
and i can acknowledge the problems in it, i know its bad, and i know WHY i feel this way, why i have ednos. but i have no right to speak up about it because im making no efforts to stop it. if other people do it its a problem, but for me its not. i dont care. so maybe ill try “recovering” lol when i actually look good, bye
and i dont like lying to my friends but they’ll ask “oh have u eaten today?” and usually i’ll say no, but the more i say it, the more i have to lie and say “oh yes i totally did!” when i can barely function bc im eating only a meal a day IF that
but i dont really care they only reason i lie is because if im honest, if i say “im not eating because im trying to lose weight” they’ll start trying to get me to eat. and i dont want to. ive lost 20 pounds now, and i still look horrible i need to lose 28 more pounds before i start looking good, and i odnt care if i have to be unhealthy to do that. i know its not healthy im not stupid. i’ll eat when i look good, or when i die