#aaaaanakin

Star Wars: Dad Vader (for @aaaaanakin)

In which Darth Vader is just a regular dad doing regular things with his regular kids. The beach, Disneyland, embarrassing photos with his kids and their friends....

Okay so. I can’t think of anything because I’ve been ankle-deep in GOT and you know that, so have some Phasma/Hux headcanons:

They like the size difference between the two of them.

Hux is still a bottom.

They’re actually really good friends off duty.

Phasma does the thing where she does pushups with Hux sitting on her back. He loves his large girlfriend.

He’s the only one who actually knows what she looks like.

She doesn’t fawn over Hux’s cat the way Kylo does, but they have a mutual understanding.

AU featuring Chewbacca, Han Solo, and L3-37, as well as Lando’s mother whose name I made up because I don’t know it:

Lando Calrissian had no sense of shame. Anything he did, he did proudly, and he owned it. It was nearly impossible to embarrass the man–if it was, would he dress like that?

And yet, here he was, hanging his head in his hands, more embarrassed than Han had ever seen him.

He had Lando’s mother Lorna to thank for it. Lando didn’t get a chance to visit his mother very often, he said, so when a run took them near Socorro, he made it a point to stop there.

“She’d have my ass if she knew I had been this close and not said hello,” Lando said. “And she’ll want to meet you. She’s involved that way. Trust me, you’ll like her.” Han had had his doubts, but when she had pulled out the holos of baby Lando, he was very glad he’d come along.

“Alright alright, here’s another one,” Lorna said, bringing up another holo and grinning. “Lanny, stop it. They’re your friends. And except for the Wookiee, I’m sure you don’t have anything they don’t know about.”

The holo featured Lando running around stark naked, in nothing but a cape (of course, Han thought to himself), making starship noises. When he grinned, there were all of three teeth in his head.

“Why, mom,” he asked, his voice muffled by his hands.

“Why not,” said Han through peals of laughter.

“Mama look!” holo-Lando said, “Mama I’m a spaceship!” Chewie laughed at that, a roaring sound that was barely distinguishable from his regular speech. Lando groaned with embarrassment.

“But Lanny, you’re a spaceship,” L3 said in a mocking tone, reaching over to gently pinch his cheek.

Lando looked up to the sky, as if praying for a release from his current hell. His mother had shut off that holo and picked out a new one.

“Ooh this is a cute one. Lanny’s first school play,” she said. “He was a flower. I’m not boring you all, am I?” she asked, as if it had only just occurred to her that her guests might not want to see baby pictures of their friend.

“Oh no, Ms. Calrissian,” Han said laughing. “Not a bit. In fact I’d like a copy of that last one.”

Lando shot Han a deadly look before burying his head in his hands again.

Headcanon A:  realisticHeadcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilariousHeadcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friendsHeadcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Kylo:

He’s very good at holding grudges. There have been times when he has to force himself to stay angry over small misdeeds, just because it helps him maintain anger.

The only non-black clothing he owns is his underwear, which are brightly colored boxer shorts.

As we hurtle towards Episode 9, it gets harder and harder for him to stay angry. He’s tired of being angry, exhausted from hatred, and worn out from sadness. He’s so tired, and he could cry from the weight of what’s happened, if he’d let himself.

Two days into being Supreme Leader, he realizes that this absolutely sucks, and just nopes off to the Rebellion, and hugs his mom and apologizes and that’s it. Roll credits. The end.

Anakin:

He can eat with chopsticks. Why do I think he can eat with chopsticks? Fuck if I know, but it seems like something he’d be into.

He knows all kinds of stupid human tricks. Before he started with the Awkward Seduction during the romantic getaway in AOTC, that’s how he tried to impress Padme. (It didn’t work, but it got a good laugh out of her, seeing him hang spoons on his nose.)

He didn’t think of himself as Vader until he got the robo-suit. After that, he tried his best to divorce himself from his identity as Anakin; all those memories are now in third person. It doesn’t mostly works.

Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Padme are in a happy and healthy polyamorous relationship, and Leia and Luke grow up with two dads and a mom.

Hux:

As much as I like how canon Millicent has become, I prefer the idea of him having a little BB droid of his own that he talks to.

He hates his first name. As far as most of his men are concerned, his whole name is just Hux. Like Cher.

He doesn’t have any friends; he doesn’t need them, he tells himself. Nonetheless, there’s some sort of ache in him that he’s always felt. He doesn’t recognize it, but it’s loneliness.

Reylux, end of story.

Obi-Wan:

After being the tallest kid in his Jedi class, he feels a little cheated at the fact that, as an adult, he’s a bit on the short side.

The entire reason he grew the beard is because he hates how babyfaced he looked otherwise. If you want to be taken seriously as a Jedi Master, you can’t look like a teenager.

As much as everyone talks about how insecure Anakin was, Obi-Wan was too. He felt horribly unprepared to train Anakin, and he sees everything that went wrong after that as a direct result of his failures.

(Since I’m more or less Star Wars-themed right now, I’m doing that :’( )

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?

Not really. I’ve got things I don’t ship (Finnrey, Gingerpilot, Stormpilot, whatever the Rey/Rose ship is, Finnrose, Leia/Holdo), but I don’t actively dislike them. I just don’t ship them.

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

22. Popular character you hate?

I just do not care about Rose Tico. Or Finn. Or Poe. I tried to get invested–I was so ready to love Finn, but I just… didn’t. I’m also kind of leery about that Qi’Ra girl from the new Solo film–please don’t put a love interest in there. We don’t need it.

23. Unpopular character you love?

*bursts through the door* KYLO REN KYLO REN KYLO REN