#a3-hq

(Saw him in my dreams again)

"C'mon, it'll be fun!"

Honestly, you hadn't been paying attention to the conversation going on around you for the last ten minutes. The alcohol in your system was making your head feel fuzzy, the happy buzz vibrating through your body lulling you into a sense of contentment that came from being with your friends.

It had been some time since you'd seen any of the people present, and catching up was wonderful. The izakaya was warm, the food was good, and the drinks were flowing. It was nice to just relax and drink in the company, even if Kenma didn't look particularly pleased about having been dragged out of his room and into an environment with so many people. That said, the occasional smile would grace his face and put your mind at ease, knowing he wasn't totally hating the experience.

"[Name]?"

The sudden call of your name drew you from your thoughts, gaze shifting to focus on the one who'd called out to you: Akane.

"Huh?"

"What's a secret from high school?" Tetsurou grinned at you from across the table, mug of beer hovering in front of his lips. "Something you never told anyone."

"How'd this come up?" You asked, taking a sip of your own drink. "Sounds dangerous."

"Nah, like I said, it'll be fun!" Akane was beaming, cheeks flushed, and obviously intoxicated. "Here, I'll go first: I had a crush on Lev."

The table erupted into laughter.

"We know." You winked, laughing harder at the flabbergasted look on the younger girl's face. Taketora was groaning, whining about how his baby sister had fallen for the biggest idiot he knew, and Kenma looked absolutely unimpressed.

"What? How?" Akane cried.

"It was obvious." Kenma answered, taking a bite of his food.

"Even Kenma called you out!" Kuroo squawked, slapping the table.

Akane's face was bright red. "Fine then! Kuroo-san, what about you, huh?"

"A secret of mine?" He hummed, calming down. "I guess... it always disappointed me that we never got a manager while I was there."

Yamamoto immediately shouted in agreement, rising his drink to cheers with Tetsurou before the two both drank.

"Really?" Akane asked, clearly displeased with his answer.

Tetsurou spluttered. "It was always so unfair! Especially when Karasuno had two super cute, nice managers! Even those owl bastards had some!"

"Would you say that's your biggest regret?" Akane giggled, won over by his theatrics. "Not having a manager?"

"That's my biggest regret!" Tetsurou loudly confirmed, setting his glass on the table and reaching for his chopsticks.

You heard Kenma scoff from his seat beside you. You glanced over at him, briefly, with a quirked brow. The younger man didn't meet your gaze and took another bite.

"What's yours?"

Akane sighed dramatically and waved a hand through the air. "Never dating someone. I missed out on the famed high school romance!" She slouched, the pout on her face bringing forth laughs from around the table. You watched as Taketora subtly switched her alcoholic beverage with a glass of water, nodding in approval.

"What about you, Yamamoto?" Tetsurou asked, turning to his underclassman.

"Regret? Hmmm." Yamamoto shrugged, swaying back and forth in thought. "Probably the Interhigh Preliminaries, not making it all the way with you and Yaku-san and Kai-san. Looking back, we did really good, but yeah, I guess that. And maybe the dating thing too."

"Boring!" Akane all but shouted, sticking out her tongue despite Tetsurou and Kenma speaking up in agreement. "[Name]-san, gimme something better."

"Me?" You pointed at yourself, caught off guard as everyone focused on you. "Oh, man, I dunno." You chewed on your bottom lip before taking a large sip of your drink, hoping the alcohol would help you come up with something. "I guess not doing as well on my exams as I would have liked. I dunno, can't really think of anythin' too crazy." The slight Kansai accent you'd lost over the years always started to show up when you drank.

"That's boring too!" Akane sighed dramatically, throwing her hands up. "You guys are all so boring! Where's the drama, huh? I told you all who I liked!"

It was by pure chance that you caught the look exchanged between Tetsurou and Kenma. You couldn't decipher it.

"You want us to talk about crushes?" Taketora clarified, looking at his younger sister with an expression that screamed 'you've had way too much to drink'.

"Duh!" Akane almost sounded like she was pleading, gripping the water glass with near-white knuckles. It was a good thing Taketora had decided to cut her off. "We're all grown up now, why be embarrassed about silly high school crushes? Be brave!"

The look in Akane's eyes after she spoke made it clear that whoever she focused on would be forced to talk. Kenma didn't look concerned, just a tad exasperated, Taketora shoved a huge amount of food into his mouth in an obvious attempt to avoid interrogation, and Tetsurou was, oddly enough, looking at you.

"I didn't have time to have any crushes," He spoke up, surprising everyone at his willingness to take the hit. "But if I did, it would've been on you, [Name]."

The sound of shouting was muted to your ears, heat rushing up your neck and onto your face as you held eye contact with the man in front of you. Tetsurou was blushing as well, but there was a surprisingly easy smile on his face. He looked almost relieved, and there was a beckoning there, too; a strange sort of displaced hope mixed with resignation.

Your heart tightened in your chest. Staring into his eyes, you realized that they were almost the same color as Shinsuke's

And then, for some reason, all you could think about was Shinsuke. Following him around like a puppy, never knowing whether it bothered him or not. The way you would perk up at any acknowledgment from him. The lack of… anything, really, on his face when you reunited at the Interhigh Preliminaries. The flat tone of his voice as he brought up a book you’d decided you would never finish. The distance between you two that had always been borderline distressing becoming greater than it had ever been before. The moment you came to terms with knowing that there was no way you could properly explain why you’d left the way you did. The moment you realized you still felt like a puppy, begging for his approval. The moment you realized you were never going to get it.

You felt like you were going to throw up.

"I gotta go." You stood up from the table suddenly, almost knocking over some of the drinks. You'd cut someone off, but you didn't know who it was or what they were saying. All of your friends' voices ceased the moment you stood up, so it didn't really matter, anyway.

With jerky, uncoordinated movements, you clambered out of your seat and headed straight for the restroom. The churning in your stomach was getting worse with each passing moment. You didn't hear Tetsurou calling for you. You didn't notice him untangling himself from the table to go after you, either.

You didn't remember getting back home.

And the next morning, after waking up to the worst hangover of your life, you didn't remember hearing Tetsurou apologize to you, either.