Soooo I need/want to start writing again since it’s been a while and I have a lot of abandoned WIPs. I have very many ideas and very little motivation. So if there’s a fic or a series of mine that you would like to see more of or a new chapter of, let me know. That can be from ones I’ve posted on here, AO3, or even my older stuff on wattpad.
My hope is that this will force me into feeling motivated 😂
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I said once that I wish I didn’t love you
But I was wrong
God, how I was wrong
I’m glad that I love you
Because the pain of having to keep it bottled up is worth it
It’s worth it because it means you stay a part of my life
And that is what is important
I don’t think I would last in a world where you don’t exist
God, how I wouldn’t last
If keeping this my secret means that you stay, then I will die without having ever whispered it to the stars
If it means I get a lifetime of your smiles, and your laughs, your hugs, and your voice, then I will keep it to myself
Because having you in my life at all, is far more meaningful than having you love me too
But oh how I wish you loved me too
God, how I wished
But it’s okay
Because I know you do in way, maybe not the same way, but a way none the less
So that is what I cling to
Because having you in any way, is better than in no way
So I keep my secret locked away in my heart, but I do not regret it
And I do not wish it never happened
Because when you look at me, with that beautiful smile of yours pulling at your cheeks, and my heart stutters in my chest at how much you mean to me, and just how beautiful you are
It’s worth it
God, how it’s worth it
Writing Prompt #39
The couple froze as the music stopped; panting; their breaths caught in their throats as they smiled to each other.
“You said you couldn’t dance.”
“You said it would be simple.”
***
Stiles smiled as he dragged Derek through the doors of the arcade by the hand. The older male had his usual grumpy face on, his eyebrows knitted together as he glared at everything like it had personally offended him. Stiles absolutely loved it.
“Stiles, what are we doing here?”
“It’s date night.” He gave Derek his best ‘duh’ face, which only got him another glare in return.
“I get that, but why are we here? This place is for children.” Stiles rolled his eyes at Derek, making his way through the crowd of teenagers surrounded by one of the games.
“No, this is for anyone who loves fun, games, and greasy pizza.”
“None of which I like.”
“Shut up, pizza is your kryptonite. It was my turn to choose, and this is my choice.” Derek didn’t respond, making Stiles smirk in triumph. He dragged Derek from game to game, winning a nice amount of tickets. Derek just stood there with his arms crossed while Stiles played, refusing to join. Stiles eventually sighed, giving up.
“Fine. Lets just get some pizza, and turn in my tickets, and then we can leave.” Derek’s face softened at that, crowding closer to Stiles. The younger male rested his forehead against Derek’s, visibly deflated.
“I am having a good time.” Stiles scoffed at at Derek’s words, moving to pull away. Derek put a finger under Stiles’ chin, holding him in place.
“I am. I don’t really know anything about these games, but watching you get really excited about them is enough for me. I swear, I’m having a good time. I’m sorry if I’ve looked grumpy.” Stiles smirked, bumping his nose against Derek’s.
“Grumpy is an understatement. Miserable, sour, surly, crabby.” Derek chuckled at him, bumping Stiles back with his own nose.
“Okay. I get it, I get it.” Stiles’ smile turned slightly sad as Derek pressed closer, Derek making a questioning noise at that.
“I just.. I spent a lot of time here as a kid. I wanted to share it with you.”
“Well, share away. I will stop with the grumpy look.” Stiles smiled at his boyfriend, pressing a kiss to his lips. Derek hummed approvingly, kissing Stiles back. Stiles pulled away, patting Derek’s chest.
“Okay, pizza. C’mon.” Derek grabbed Stiles’ hand, intertwining their fingers as his boyfriend led the way. He was abruptly pulled to a stop not even a second later, making Derek turn to Stiles questioningly. Before he could even ask, Stiles was dragging him very quickly down one of the aisles of games.
“This!” Stiles flailed towards the game in front of them, visibly shaking with excitement. The colorful and bright screen read ‘Dance Dance Revolution,’ and it was making a lot of loud noises. “This used to be my favorite game! No one could ever beat me. We haaaave to play it!”
Derek eyed the game skeptically, not really sure if he was up for that.
“I can’t dance.”
“Babe, pleeeease. It’s really simple. Please, Derek.” Derek looked at Stiles’ face, unable to ignore the amount of pleading in it. He was gonna give in anyways, he always did for Stiles. He finally sighed, nodding.
“Fine. One game.” Stiles cheered, pressing a sloppy kiss to Derek’s lips.
“I love you.” Derek smiled, allowing Stiles to drag him up onto the platform.
“Okay, it’s really simple. You just step on the arrow that corresponds with the one on the screen, but only when it gets to the bottom. Got it?” Derek nodded, trying to concentrate on the screen.
Stiles chuckled, scrolling until he found a song he liked. He put it on an easy setting, and hit play. Derek watched as the arrows slowly started to scroll down the screen, easily keeping up and stepping on the correct arrow.
“This is it? No wonder it was your favorite game, this is easy.” Stiles raised an eyebrow at him, but otherwise didn’t look away from the screen.
“Oh really? Okay, lets up it a little then, old man.” Derek huffed, watching as Stiles upped the difficulty. The arrows started to move a little faster, but still pretty easy to keep up with.
“Oooh, this is so difficult. I bet I can beat you.” Stiles scoffed at him, stomping a little harder than necessary on the next arrow.
“Ya, right. I have years of experience, and am an all time champ.”
“Alright, challenge accepted. Loser has dish duty for the next two weeks.”
“Oh you are so on. Bring it, old man.” Stiles upped the difficulty again, the arrows moving even faster. They were moving at a good rate now, but it was still easy to keep up. Derek reached over and bumped up the difficulty again.
“Careful, Der. We don’t want you injuring a hip or something.”
“This is cake. You need to find a more difficult game.” Stiles huffed, bumping the difficulty as high as it would go. Derek’s eyes widened at how fast the arrows started to move. He missed a couple trying to readjust to the speed change, but caught right back on.
They were both building up a sweat, and a crowd had started to form around them to watch. Not that either of them noticed the crowd, their attention completely on the screen. Derek didn’t know how he was making his legs move so fast, but it was working. Stiles didn’t even blink, not missing a step.
“Not so easy now, Der. Huh?”
Derek grunted back, sweat dripping down his forehead. He watched as the last arrow scrolled down the screen, preparing to nail it.
The couple froze as the music stopped; panting; their breaths caught in their throats as they smiled to each other.
“You said you couldn’t dance.”
“You said it would be simple.” Stiles chuckled, moving closer to Derek. He was about to lean in for a kiss, when the crowd that had formed started clapping. Both boys blinked, realizing for the first time that they had an audience.
Derek smiled at Stiles, leaning in for the kiss anyways. Stiles smiled into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Derek’s neck, as Derek’s arms went around Stiles’ waist. They separated, pressing their foreheads together.
“Okay, this wasn’t completely a bad idea.” Stiles smiled triumphantly, throwing his hands up. He didn’t move very far, Derek’s arms still holding him close.
“Admit it. I have the best date night ideas ever.”
“I don’t know if I would go that far.” Stiles pinched Derek’s arm playfully, Derek swatting at him. Stiles smiled, leaning back into Derek’s space.
“I love you.” Derek smiled warmly, pressing a kiss to Stiles’ head.
“I love you too, Stiles.”
“But I so win, dish boy.” Derek huffed, nipping at Stiles’ bottom lip in retaliation.
Derek took a deep breath in, smelling the air around him. It was a beautiful day out. The sky was blue, only a couple white clouds around. The trees were a vibrant green, swaying in the slight breeze. The sound of laughter and families was heard all around the park.
Derek smiled at it all, before starting off at a jog down the running path. He ran for a little ways, looping over to the other end of the forest, before he finally stopped to catch his breath. He held his arms above his head, stretching as he did.
"Dad!" Derek looked up as a little girl cried out. No one else was around this side of the park, Derek remembers seeing people maybe 100 yards back up the path. He stepped closer to the girl, crouching so he was closer to her height.
"Hey sweetie, are you okay?" She looked a little scared, but so far no tears.
"I-I can't find my daddy."
"Okay. Where'd you see him last?"
"I don't know. W-we were having a picnic, and I wanted to explore. I don't where he is." Aaand tears were starting to show.
"Okay, sweetie, it's okay. I can help you find him. My name's Derek, what's yours?"
"Jenna."
"Okay Jenna, I'm going to help you find your dad. Is that okay?" She nodded, reaching out for Derek's hand. Derek allowed her to, her little hand almost being swallowed by his. Derek walked back in the direction he came from, back towards where he saw the people. He tried to use scent to track her dad, but there were so many scents on the little girl alone, Derek didn't know which one to follow.
"So how old are you?"
"I'm six. How old are you?" Derek smirked.
"I'm thirty-seven." Jenna nodded, swaying their jointed hands back and forth.
"How was your picnic going?"
"Good. Daddy packed oreos, and caprisuns!"
"Is that so?"
"Mmhm, and he knows those are my favorite. I can't wait to get some." Derek smiled. He kept up the small talk as they walked, wanting to keep her mind off of things. It worked. Derek was relieved when they got to the little clearing he remembered seeing a family or two. He was sure Jenna's dad was going out of his mind at this point.
"Alright Jenna, does this look familiar?" She looked around, her eyes squinting.
"I don't know... Everything's green." Derek chuckled.
"Ya. Um, do you see your dad?"
"No."
"What's your dad's name?"
"Stiles." Derek didn't comment, just lifted an eyebrow.
"Alright. Maybe we can try calling him."
"Okay." Derek nodded, looking around.
"Stiles!" A couple people looked up, but no-one answered. Derek decided to look around the park, walking away from the path.
"Stiles!"
"Daddy!" They called a couple more times, before Derek sighed.
"I don't think he's over here." Jenna's shoulders sagged, her bottom lip starting to tremble.
"Are we gonna find him?" Derek knelt down in front of her, grabbing both of her hands in his.
"Of course we are, sweetie. Do you know his phone number, maybe we ca-"
"Jen!" Derek looked up as Jenna's name was called out.
"Daddy!" A man came running over to them, scooping Jenna up in his arms. Derek was almost certain that Jenna lost all access to oxygen in that moment.
"Bożena Claudia Stilinski, don't you ever do that to me again! I thought I lost you! Do you know how worried I was? I almost called Dziadek to bring out the dogs and swat team."
"I'm sorry, Tatuś. I didn't mean to scare you. But Derek helped me find you, and I'm okay." Jenna's father looked up at Derek from where he was crouching, almost as if he just realized Derek was there. He stood up, still holding Jenna in his arms.
"You helped her?" Derek nodded, his voice suddenly not working. Stiles was beautiful.
"Derek Hale." Stiles just looked at him for a moment, before looking over to Jenna.
"I think this was enough excitement for one day, kiddo. Let's say you and I head home, huh?" Jenna pouted a little, but didn't argue. Stiles pressed a kiss to her head, and Derek noticed his hands were still shaking. Derek took a step back, wanting to give them their time. He can tell that Stiles is still sort of panicking and just needs to hold his daughter for a while.
"I should get going." Stiles looked at him, giving him a polite smile.
"Bye Derek." She waved at him, her head resting on her father's shoulder.
"Bye Jenna." He gave another nod, before heading back to the running path. He looked back one more time before leaving though. Stiles was holding Jenna close, obviously trying to calm his breathing. Derek sighed, continuing his run. He cut it a little shorter than usual though, not really in the mood for a run anymore.
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I feel sick,
My stomach churning,
As the thoughts of you swirl around my head.
It almost feels like the panic attacks I used to have.
That feeling consumes me, covering me like a dark blanket, slowly suffocating me.
I wish I could breath.
God, how I wish I could breath.
The thoughts that overtake my mind are the ones you taught me how to ignore,
Yet now they're all I can hear.
When I think of you, my heart flutters.
I don't know how to make it stop.
You were there when I needed it, you understood and got it.
No one else did.
God, how no one else did.
I think I need to let you go.
But I don't know how.
When the darkness over takes me, you are the light that leads me out.
I think I became too dependent,
And now I don't know how to quit.
I wish I did.
God, how I wish I did.
Because this pain I feel when you're gone, it's like nothing else.
When I questioned my faith, you were there to become my religion.
And now, as I lie awake in my bed at night praying to you, I get no answer.
As I questioned my love for life, you told me that sometimes it's okay to hate.
Passion is passion, no matter the shape.
I think I started to love you.
I wish I didn't.
God, how I wish I didn't.
You were the one to pull me from the depths of the sea.
But now, in the presence of your absence, slowly I start to sink.
I check my phone obsessively, waiting to see your name at the top of my screen.
I sink, farther and farther I sink.
I wish I didn't need the raft that you offer.
I wish I knew how to swim.
God, how I wish I knew how to swim.