I am a simple girl, a simple gay, a simple person who has read and re-read Watch for the Sunrise countless times (going on 6 times). I look every day to see if there is an update on one of my favorite stories of all time. Hope you are well and know that your story is loved so very much by me.
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Lena's fingertips lightly traced the ridges of Kara's spine, hovering when her skin shivered, until she reached the nape of Kara's neck. She gently brushed away the mess of Kara's hair and leant in to press a kiss to the skin the movement had uncovered.
"Sleep, my darling," she breathed, before making to leave.
Kara's hand snapped out and caught her wrist before she could.
"I've done something stupid," Kara whispered, her eyes not on Lena, her grip on Lena's wrist tightening to something half a shadow from painful. All the while, taking a shuddering breath that had her voice shaking with its intensity.
Lena stopped at that moment, thrumming with what Kara was going to say before she even had aloud.
"I've fallen in love with you."
It was like Lena had was stabbed in the stomach, the knife twisted jaggedly in her softest places. The words she'd been dreading, especially because she knew that Kara meant them, made her want to cry.as Wanting to be loved by Kara so severely because it felt to her foolish mind like something she needed. Like the injection of oxygen or the balm to heal all the wounds that were rotting inside of her. But in the whole world of people who might be deserving of that love, Lena knew she wasn't one. Worse, she was selfish and cold and broken just enough to want to cling to it. Kara had just offered her a lifeline of addictive drugs to keep her feeling wanted and pure even though she was anything but
.
She hadn't earned it. Not honestly.
"Kara-"
"I can't change it," she cut Lena off, her eyes still turned away from her face like she didn't want to know Lena's expression. "Even if it doesn't change anything."
Lena hesitated. Any response she had now was going to end up hurting Kara. Was going to end up burrowing deeper and cracking her open.
What would it feel like, the sensation of being let down gently? As if that were even possible. Whenever Lena lost someone she loved, be it by rejection, betrayal, death she felt her heart crumple like it had been dropped down an elevator shaft. It was all battered and bruised and curdled now even under the effervescent light that was Kara's presence for these past few months. Of course, Kara loved her. Kara gave everything so wholly and freely that it was inevitable that she would fall in love with the worst person in the world for her.
It was terrifying for so many reasons, but mostly because Kara was the last person on the planet Lena should have fallen in love with too. And Lena had. She loved all of her, and it was getting increasingly difficult to ignore it. It was in moments like this, and when Kara was in her arms, hot and breathless and writhing against her touch, that she fought the urge to whisper the words in Kara's ear, taste them on her tongue. The words she wasn't allowed to say, because she wasn't supposed to feel that way. Because a mountain of contracts and companies and litigation and money and investments and family, all but forbade her from it.
With all that knowledge and fear running through her head, Lena's brain almost short-circuited when she realised that in her silence, Kara was finally looking at her. But it wasn't fear, angry or even sadness that Lena had worried the silence that was her answer would have caused filling her eyes. Nothing but deep, and gentle, understanding.
Reading everything that Lena wasn't saying once more.
She looked down at the locked fingers around her wrist and realised that Kara still wasn't worried about her running away nearly as much as she should have been.
It took all Lena had just to whisper brokenly.
"What am I going to do when you hate me?"
