broke down and put myself back together again!!!

Last night idk what it was. But it was crazy. I laid next to her and couldn't really do anything but smile. Not to mention it's been about two days now of no sleep. But its been worth it.

Life's been crazy. We haven't really bonded. But I think it was really necessary. In the beginning I left him. Tore my family apart, and really I began to think I was selfish.

She's been everything. I never thought I could have done something like that. But here I am. So much has changed.

Internally, I'm not even sure if I know who I am anymore. I know what makes me happy and its a rollercoaster. I must just be in this for the ride.

I remember just hearing that one song and I think it that's really all it took. It was like a fire that turned into something much bigger.

I ended up buying tickets back in February for her birthday....and I am so glad I got them. And as crazy as it was to say back then not Bieber tickets.

I think since then I've gone crazy, watching every YouTube video, Spotify, sound cloud, tumblr, twitter, Instagram and Facebook. That one day I about died when I heard you on the radio.

Bought two of the deluxe CDs, had our friend draw a painting of you, and when she went to NYC I knew you'd be there, and she found you for me and got your signature. I honestly think waking up and listening to Badlands helped me through some of my darkest times. I've never been through something so hard in my life.

Finally realizing you aren't the 28 year old you had really known your whole life an all in a matter of a few days.

The first night was normal...but that second night lit a fire in me. Something I'll never forget. That kiss. 6 months later and I vividly remember every touch.

I have always known. But never really found someone worth sharing it with. I hate when people ask me if I did the right thing leaving the kids father. I don't second guess. I do what the fuck I want.

Which then lead me down the path of life in which I had never encountered. Everyone judging you. Having to watch every move I make. Watch how I handled myself in front of my kids. In front of other people. My mother. My friends.

All I remember is I'm glad I had both of you. There have been days where a all. I've done is listen to that CD on replay. Gasoline though. That was my first love.

However this is where its at.

Listen to Halsey - What Do You Mean/Often (Cover) [Live on BBC Radio 1] by digginforX #np on #SoundCloud

https: //soundcloud.com/my-ghost/what-do-you-mean-often-cover

I get lost.

Thank you for helping. That's what music is about. Doing what you love, giving other people enjoyment.....but do you feel like a young god?

My current playlist

Listen to Halsey by Jessie Lynn Markidis #np on #SoundCloud

https: //soundcloud.com/jessie-lynn-markidis/sets/halsey

Never ever have a met someone who completed me. Matches the words I do. Saying the same thing at the same time. Same shoe size. Shirts. Pants. Watches. Walking into her closet. That's sick. Haha.

Literally. You make me feel like I'm not afraid of anything.

My twin flame.

But I'm not even gay. Why do I have to be labeled? Why can't I just love who I want? Fuck your normal.. Your "mainstream". I am me.

Thank you for loving me as I am. Being honest. 100% honest. Making me a better person.

There is so much I can write but I think ill fill in the blanks as I go. But I just need you, need you to know. Some day I'll publish our love story.

Last night laying there... I literally had goosebumps like for a second I thought you drugged my ass. I wouldn't put that shit past you. I know your ass.

Couldn't stop smiling. I remember at one point I was replaying the lyrics to hurricane cuz I fucking felt like you jumped in my body, my mind and were moving my fingers. That was intense. Looking at your face, I felt like I was in your body. And I remember feeling like for a second you looked like Halsey but it wasn't you I was looking in the mirror. Idk how to even explain it. I was running my hand down your arm. But I felt it on my arm, the goosebumps trickling down my spine. And never in my life had I been more sober. Not even sex on drugs ever felt like that... And if it has. Well, I don't remember. So I guess that doesn't count. Hahaaha... Cuz babe " OMG I've never done this before but"

I love you. So much. I can't wait for NYC. This is going to be an adventure to remember.

#thefinalinstallment

#49days

#twinflame