#:eop

"[Name] You're so amazing!" "Look at them go. They've always been so talented" "They managed to speak so early too? A Toddler like that is destined for something amazing."

You've been praised for as long as you remember as a baby and toddler. You managed to learn to walk and talk with ease before most children your age. Everyone around you praised you for being a wonderful angelic child, never crying nor make a tantrum.

You could enter into a room with a giggle and smile simply, then everyone would coo and praise you. Your parents showered you in love and affection. You got to show off your talent of singing and dancing along with the music from your mother's favourite music box.

You were perfect and talented. 

Were.

You were talented and impressive.

The early years of school started to reflect the lack of skill you truly had. 

Your skills in learning fell slowly behind everyone else your age, you struggled learning to read and write while others reached more complex words for their age by the time you could barely do the basics. You were first out whenever playing on the monkey bars or tag or even hide and seek.

"You're doing your best [Name]. You'll catch up to everyone else..." Your parents talked about you less and less, praising your friends and siblings more than you.

"Your friend, she managed to get top scores for her last tests. That's impressive."

Your drawings got shoved to the back of the drawer. You would continue to bring them your newest pieces of art or test from school, hoping for any chances for them to put the pieces up on the fridge or walls. Yet they would smile at you. "You managed to do nicely." Before the piece of you got shoved away into the drawer along side the rest of the pieces you made.

When your younger siblings started to grow up and slowly reach your level while you still struggle to catch up to people your age. You couldn't help but want to disappear from how you could hear your parents praise out to your siblings.

"Your little sister is getting really good at drawing."

"Your younger brother can talk in full sentences!" 

You just wanted them to look at you the same way. You want them to look your way, give you the same affection that your youngest sibling gets compared to you. You wanted their love and affection. You wanted people to look your way like they did when you use to sing and dance as a 7 year old.

You hate that you, an 11-year-old, is barely reaching the same level as a 7-year-old in school. You just wanted to cry. You wanted to be special again. You wanted to be praised again like you used to be. You wanted to be something extraordinary, someone who isn't seen as normal or below everyone else.

You wanted your parent's love to be back on you alone again.

.

Your parents were busy as normal.

They were in and out of the house. Left early and came back late some days. You would learn from your friends, they are part of a group of people known as Hell Guards. A group of people that are mostly Non-Givers that enforce the law and protect everyone. That is what you've been told.

Your parents are amazing in your eyes, they are so strong and powerful. They desire all the praise you hear your classmates tell you about the Hell Guards. You want to stop disappointing them so much.. So that's when you saw it. Your friend's mother had a poster stuck up on the board with a schedule right beside it.

JOIN THE HELL GUARD Hell Guard Training Academy 12 and up

There was your chance, one way to grab the attention of your parents once again. You can't help but feel a warm feeling bubbling in your chest at the idea.  You were going to join the Hell Guard. Your parents will praise you if you want to become just like them? Right? You must. 

So the moment you got home, you finally had a moment alone with your parents as your siblings were out with their friends for atleast another hour, having dinner with their friends' families.

"Mother, Father. I'm going to become a Hell Guard." Your parents glance between each other at the dinner table. Your father would glance towards you once their silent conversation finished.

"Are you sure that is what you want dear?" Your father questions you, with you giving a quick nod right back. "You've always been talented at singing and dancing. Why don't you pursue that?"

"I want to become a hell guard. That's all I want to do." You confirm again. You stare at the two. Your hands gripping tighter onto the utensils in your hand as silence was in the room.

"Alright. You know it will be hard work." Your mother places down the set of chopsticks in her hands. You nod your head a bit. "You will spend all your time studying and training. You won't be able to spend times with your friends, or even your siblings some days."

"Yeah. I want to!" You have to become one.

"Alright. You'll start training on your own. If you want this. You have to put everything in it." Your mother's words explained to you, but it didn't matter. You have to do this to get the love you want.

So you spent months and months studying. Training. You put every free moment you had into this. You saw your friends less, your parents checked on you occasionally to see if you were still focused. You had to put everything into this...

You have to become a Hell Guard.

You NEED to.

It's the only way to get your love and praise back.

So that's when you went to take the exam. It was a simple check, see if you would do well enough for both the training and keeping up in school. You could get accepted into the Hell Guard. You need to do well. You spent every second of the exam writing down answers, trying to not jumble up the letters down on the page. You had to run the race and beat most. You had to show off your strength.

You have to show your worth. You will be a Hell Guard.

...So that letter in your hand gave you more fear than anything else. You waited weeks and weeks for this letter to reach your hands. Something to tell you that you are worthy enough for your parent's love and praise.

So you ripped open the envelope to read the words across the page.

You passed.

Your grades are the best ones you've ever had - The average grade that everyone else gets that most wouldn't bat an eye at them, yet it made you want to cry. You had to show your parents. They have to be proud of you now. You got into the training camp.

You hurried down the stairs as you reach towards the kitchen door. As you shuffle over and your hand reaches up you hear.

"I mean They should get in right?" You could hear your parents from behind the door as they talked. You stopped, feeling you should wait before going in.

"They don't have the best of grades, and they've put so much work into doing this." Your father's voice had the hint of worry. It made you feel more excited to show off the letter in your hands, how you managed to pass and get into the school.

"Dear, don't worry." Your mother's voice hummed softly. "They will get in." Your mother believes in you. You reach for the door knob, getting ready to push open and tell them the news.

"We put a word in. They'll pass [Name] for being part of our family."

What.

You stood frozen in the spot as your hand rests against the doorknob. Your breathing stopped in that moment at hearing those words. You glance down towards the paper in your hand. Your feet take a step back as you lift the page back up towards your face.

You didn't actually get in did you? Your parents made it happen.

You hold the letter in your hands as some water drips down onto the paper, smudging the ink.

You're nothing special. You're less than normal.

You're pathetic.

You don't deserve the praise that you would get if you simply showed them this letter. You want to rip the paper in your hands, yet you know. This is still your only chance to bask in the embrace and love of your parents again. 

You just need to work harder. Keep trying to be seen as something special again.

You will show them that you becoming a Hell Guard isn't just because they chose you to. Even if you have to give up all your freedom in the sake of barely passing the exams and seeming normal.

You have to. 

So at the end of those 4 years, you'll be able to stand as a Hell Guard and gain the praise from your family like you desire to.

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