I want to hurt myself to make the thoughts stop

I just don’t know what to do anymore

I just cried for the first time in a long time about being raped (not counting occasional panic attacks during sex) and I feel like I’ve made the information so neutral in my brain and I forget how bad it is and then it just randomly hits me like yeah I’ve been raped by at least 4 men and that’s just the ones I can (hardly) remember and that is actually extremely fucked up and has wounded me deeply as a person

I don’t know who I was a year ago. I don’t know who I was yesterday. I don’t know who I’ll be tomorrow. I only know myself right now.

Nothing I do gets the attention it would get if someone else did it

I feel completely and utterly alone and worthless. There are so many things that I could be doing but because I have no one to do them with I instead do nothing. I feel frozen by the weight of depression and anxiety and guilt. Am I unlikeable? Why am I alone ?

Angry and frustrated at the world and taking a day off and I deserve to be paid so much more for my stupid fucking job and I’m so angry at how I’ve been treated I’m so angry at the disrespect I’ve been consistently shown I wish I could hurt someone I wish I could put someone in their place and make them feel as small and stupid and worthless as I feel

Im not good enough to get attention anywhere I want it from not even on this loser fucking app I hate you all so much I hate the world how dare you ignore me like this am I just worthless you make it seem so