#9418

was it worth the moment?

I think the hardest part of this whole situation now that everything has diffused is the amount of guilt laying on my chest. The guilt that I allowed a situation to hurt Linds. The guilt that I allowed a situation to hurt Meg. The guilt that I allowed a situation to hurt Megan. The guilt that I told Meg she would not have to worry about me leaving her or her losing me when I went and did just that. Then again, she left me, but I was the catalyst. There is so much guilt that I allowed the situation to get out of control but I also know that I am only responsible for my own actions. I’m just so tired of feeling like I’m going to explode. I feel so alone and like I don’t have anyone to talk to and I know I can reach out to Linds and Megan but I also know they have so much going on and this is a sensitive situation and I just....I just need someone. I’ve been trying to make more friends and reach out to people individually to build friendships but it’s so exhausting to hold all of this in and I just need more than my therapist. I need to know that I have someone and that I’m not a burden and I know I’m not. I just...I just feel alone. And I know that I put myself in this situation and I’m the only one to blame because I could have just pretended that everything was fine. But the weight and the pain I feel doesn’t excuse what happened and what was said and that was a lot worse than anything I’m feeling so I don’t regret it. I just miss having the consistency and love I guess.