#9.16.2015

Why?

Recently I find myself in a new environment-college. Before I introduce you to my college self I need to give you a little background into pre-college self.

He was awesome. People seemed to like him and his life was mostly happy. I thought that I had all the important things figured out, and for the most part, I did. I knew what it took to be happy, I followed all of those life-pro-tips you see on twitter and read all of those inspirational quotes from famous people. I took control of my life and made it into something that I enjoyed. The thought of leaving everything behind irritated me. I had worked hard for this happy life. I knew who I was and more importantly I liked myself. So why did I give it up for this?

I’ll fill in the blanks some other time; I’m not a fan of lengthy intros so let’s get back to the why.

It comes down to the simple fact that I find myself having loads of free time that I don’t know what to do with. I have been listening to lots of new music, but I have also been reading more. I read tons as a kid, all kinds of children's books and young adult novels. That was until I read Harry Potter and stopped cold turkey because I knew nothing would ever be as good. My collection mainly includes John Green, Shakespeare, and my textbooks, the only text book I have so much as opened, was written by my professor himself. I have also recently received a shipment from home of my sister’s favorites to be read in the coming months. So I guess I like to read now.

In my “busy hours” I attend classes. It’s overrated. Not just the University, but the whole “college experience” mindset. Basically, its the belief that you can put an adolescent into a commune-like environment, wait four years and then a well-rounded adult will come out ready to take on the challenges of the real world. And that’s not what happens. This process only works in math, put ‘x’ into a function, ‘f(x)’ do all the necessary equations and out comes your ‘y’ but this isn’t calculus.

But Why?

Yes. Anyway. I said earlier about how awesome pre-college self was and that version of myself saw a lot of people go away to college and change. The biggest reason I didn’t want to go was because I didn’t want to change in the way I knew college would change me. But here we are, I’m changing. And it’s not that bad. I have always been particularly good at ignoring the rules of society and standing out in my own unique way, but only since my geographical transplant has my brain begun to deconstruct the barriers I put up for myself. I’m making all of these analyses and cross-disciplinary connections. I’m training my brain to use more than mere senses to simply observe the world; I’m learning to use what have, to take in as much as I can, to critically analyze as far as I can, to make sense of not only the world around me, but myself. I guess you could say I’m growing up. And obviously, it’s a process. I tend to approach things pessimistically until I fully understand them, and my harsh attitude toward being an adult is easing a bit. I’m actually liking the process of changing.

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