Day 12 - Weight
I’ve made it clear that this fit life I’m working on has nothing to do with my weight. I have never had any qualms about my size and if I’m honest I went most of my teen years never even stepping on a scale because it wasn’t something I ever thought about. I would only ever stand on the one my mom had in the bathroom every now and then out of sheer curiosity but then gave it no more care.
Back in February and March I got sick with bronchitis and it messed with my eating habits, which were admittedly already lacking because of college. I was still feeling the effects of being sick well into April and then with finals I never focused on fixing my diet.
By the time I got back home from college and decided to step on the scale I realized I had lost about 10-15 pounds and was standing at about 106 lbs on my lightest day with the average sitting around 108 for the next week or so. I hadn’t seen the scale so low in over 6 years as I’ve been practically the same size in height and weight since I was 13. After seeing my weight I did end up trying to eat a bit more and brought my weight back up to 110 but it hasn’t moved much since.
Normally I wouldn’t give much concern to my weight but the other day my mom said something when I mentioned it. She told me not to lose anymore weight and not go below 110 because then I was getting into unhealthy/sickly territory. I don’t know why that bothered me so much but it did.
I don’t feel like I’m near an unhealthy weight. I don’t like the idea of the possibility of being called underweight. Maybe it’s because of everything I’ve seen on tumblr over the years when scrolling through tags that I have an extreme fear for being underweight. And then there’s always the thought of well I don’t feel underweight so I’m fine but what if that’s the same mentality that leads to unhealthy living?
I don’t know. I’m probably just over reacting but because of the way my brain works I’m afraid that I’m going to go the entire other way and binge instead or cut back on my exercise so that I’m not calorie deficient. I don’t know.
I’m just going to try to listen to my body and what it needs and go from there.
