#80's comedy

Forgive us, Mr. Rivers, if we have been less than hospitable. But recently, we've had reason to believe that there is a traitor, somewhere in the resistance.

Nikolas Van Helsing, Professor of proctology, and other related tendencies. Graduate of the University of Rangoon, and assorted night classes at the Knoxville Tennessee College of Faith Healing.

Part of your job is taking care of the customers. These are important guests.

“So guess what I want.”

“A new brain!”

“No. Your bike.”

Is there anything you need? Food? Drinks? ...A bib?

I have a lot of experience in these matters, and over the years, I have developed a theory about private detectives. They’re slime. And without exception they are lazy, stupid, cowardly, arrogant and thoroughly incompetent.

You can donate 5% to charity, and you gamble another 5% away, but you can’t give this money away, and that includes buying the Hope Diamond for some bimbo as a birthday present!