S has been unemployed since like March. He thought he was getting a job today, but it didn't pan out. He's crushed and is completely unmotivated to do anything, let alone talk to me and spend time with me.
Meanwhile, I have been depressed since a traumatic event that happened on Friday (I don't want to trigger anyone so I'll leave it at that). I'm doing okay at work, but it's just motions. Everything is hard.
Now he's crushed, and God I really need his support, but he's completely unavailable. He just wants to be left alone, and he told me no to my request for a hug (which was a hefty compromise to what I really need).
This hurts. I'm really not okay right now. I'm barely making it through my days, and yesterday my highlight was seeing him and spending time with him). I don't know how I'm coping right now at all. I don't know what to do, but I'm drowning in emotion.
I don't have close connections with my treatment friends anymore. The one friend I stayed in contact with has been awol for like a year, and I'm kinda thinking she's dead at this point which I don't want to accept. We were so close for so long and I've reached out on like three platforms and called and texted so many times.
I'm sad. I am feeling really depressed. I don't know. I'm feeling like quitting everything right now.
I'm in grad school and working full time as a teacher. A week ago I loved my job. But right now it's just passing time. I don't know.
I don't have a therapist right now. We're gunna do couples therapy once we find someone. Idk maybe I should just drop out of everything and do a treatment program. Seems a tad dramatic though. It's only been a few days. Food has been fine. Just emotions.
Things were okay, and they can be okay again. I know this rationally... Honestly things will probably feel okay the moment he gives me a hug.
