#70skid

Have Breakfast with the King! 🥣✨

I am a 56 year old, 18 year old girl in a 80 year old body. I have lived a childhood of many 70's Memories. My Coming of Youth days were in the 80's not withstanding lots of Aquanet and possibly a little cocaine. I was a bass player in 2 bands in the late 80's and early 90's . I put down the bass for a pair of Baby Booties in 1993. I raised a daughter without a partner. I drew Blood for 20 years. I hung up my fangs in 2012 to work with cats and dogs in the animal field. Did I mention I'm a type A personality? So Who am I???? I have no Idea… I'm hoping you can tell me.

When you get to you middle age, you have these realizations…. I will never have a child ( again), I will never have a 1st kiss again. I will never be in high school again. I will never hear my fathers or my brothers voice again. You are stuck somewhere between you childhood memories, your present day which seem stagnant, and the uncertainty of what the hell just happened, how did I get here…. and where am I going. In middle age you come to a realization that half your life is over and the next have will most likely be filled with physical pain, aging, grief and worldly changes that you cant really understand.

Who the Hell am I? I have no idea. I know who I was, but I cannot honestly say who I am. Everything that happens in your life molds you to this person that you become. But ,what if good things came your way and you still feel bitter? What if you had trauma or sadness in your past and you live on a repetitive roller coaster of positive thinking one day and negative thinking the next.

Here is what I do know. Life is short. That's not a cliche' its a mad FACT of life. If you have seen a person or pet pass away in front of your eyes, you see the soul leave the body that leaves a shell of the physical being behind. I don't want to live as just a shell of a being in this life. When my soul leaves, I want godamn rainbow glitter, sparkles and bright light to shower over everyone. And Maybe Rose'.

I may be a bit lost as to who I am today, but I do know this about myself and about you. We are all stronger than we realize. You know the saying " The Lord will only give you what you can handle?" Well I call Bullshit. God would never be as cruel as to expose children , animals, hell all of us ,the the horrific things that we see and experience in our lives. It not like he/she/they have a measuring cup and says ohhh this person can only handle 1/4 a cup of trauma not the 1/2 cup! We get through it because we are BAD ASS BITCHES. In this experience, cope, grieve, heal, repeat. I think the choices are you either feel it or put your head in the sand. I was always a feel the pain to get through it gal, but I will admit, lately, I my head has been in the sand more.

So in this Blog, You will see my weirdo-ness. I will listen to Mozart and a second later thrash around the kitchen while cooking to the Sex Pistol's. I'm a pastaholic, I love Pino cause its kenno. I like to make people laugh. I have many fears that I need to face. I am Goth, I am Emo, I am fat, I am diabetic, I am menopausal. But I am not dead,,,YET. I dislike a lot about myself, my life, this country, and this world. BUT…. I cant give up. I am hoping my blogs may strike a chord in someone. Because, we are all so very alike.

Til next time, Hang in there

Barbara