I GRADUATEDDDDD
It's official guys! I did it! I finished school for acupuncture and chinese medicine! A goal that was set 9 years ago - it's finished!!! hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Graduation was SO lovely. It was so great to be surrounded and supported by so many friends and family. Such lovely speeches given my peers. I was surprised by my friend who I didn't know was coming, and brought me flowers! And yes, soo much tears - joy, relief, happiness, parting tears, all of them.
It was also so surreal - being in that giant hall with so many people; hearing my name and walking across the stage and getting my diploma; turning our tassels from right to left; taking the oath of the chinese practitioner, a tradition over 1500 years old.
But the most surreal thing of all - being... done? Not being a student anymore? Not having to go to school anymore? Having my degree? Being... a chinese medicine practitioner?
Even though I graduated, technically I'm not an acupuncturist YET. I still need to take my boards before I can start poking people. And that's prolly gonna take me like 2-3 months at most.
But still - I did it!! Oh my gosh, I have been wanting this and planning this for soo long - since 2017 - and here I am, 9 years later, degree in hand, and getting ready to go into clinical practice. Insane. Unreal.
Now that I'm not in school, it's been good, but it's also been... weird. Don't get me wrong - it is GREAT to not have to wake up every morning to go to class, and to get to finally SLEEP and to have time for myself - oh my godd I am so glad to finally have the time to rest and regulate.
And yet... I've been in a weird mood lately. I think... I'm having withdrawals?? I mean from a more technical-standpoint, it makes sense. For years now I've been having just insane schedules and the longest to-do lists and just kind of scrambling to get things done constantly. So to go from being so busy with all of that to literally... nothing?? Of course my brain is going to freak out and scramble lmao. Doing nothing is so unnatural and foreign to me now.
But more than that... I - everything feels... empty? Like I've been taking it easy, playing lots of video games, chilling with friends, but... there's this emptiness underlying all of it. The feeling hearkens back to my Nihilist days, when I was feeling this existential cloud hanging over me constantly. It just feels like everything I'm doing has this... emptiness behind it all - a lack of meaning, a purposelessness.
I'm trying to give myself at least a week of no-studying to just like refresh and rest and take my mind off of things. But... when I do briefly look at my notes or think about something TCM... that feeling goes away. And I have this feeling of lightness and litheness and warmth in my chest and body.
I love Chinese Medicine. There are other spiritual aspects that tie into it for me, and even go beyond it as well, but one thing I think is standing out to me as true - Chinese Medicine is my purpose. It's what I was meant to do. When I try and imagine a life where I'm happy - among many other things, I'm practicing TCM. And any other life where I'm not doing that just has that dullness and emptiness.
Anywho. It is funny to me that it's literally only been THREE DAYS since I graduated and I already miss it so much 😂😂 maybe I'll be studying for boards sooner than I thought I'd be.
I just wanted to say - thank you to all of you for sticking by me through all these years. This blog has gone through many phases, and a dark one while I was in school - but your support and encouragement of me and my practice, and also my studies and schooling - truly means so much to me. So thank you 💙
That's it for now. Thanks for reading!
Without further ado, I present to you: Master Zee 😉🙏
Blessings!
