Imagine Cal coming home from tour rehearsals and instead of his usual excited-self coming home he looks lost. He dumps his bag and bass by the door, comes over to where youâre seated and cuddles into you. You both spent a few minutes in silence where you held onto him close and rubbed his back. The last thing you wanted to do was push him too far as heâs very closed off with his emotions and always tries to be happy for everyone else. But eventually you knew he was going to have to let it all out at one point and it was now he decided to that. Soon you begin to feel your top becomes damp where his tears wouldnât stop. You desperately tried to wipe them away, it paining you to see him like this but they just wouldnât stop. You gently press soft kisses to his neck in an attempt to soothe him but nothing was working, sobs racked his body.
 Eventually his tears subsided into whimpers, each one sending pain through your body at the sound of your baby being upset, as he nuzzles your face into your neck. You gently hold his hand and lead him towards the bedroom, and he follows you behind. You see his body relax as itâs engulfed in sheets and he signals that he wants you to be the big spoon, something that only happens when heâs upset. Your fingers softly play with curls in his hair as he starts to tell you all that happened this day. His voice sounds hoarse as he explains that,Â
âThe closer tour gets the worse the reality becomes. Of course Iâm excited to see fans itâs not them. Itâs the instability. I canât handle being in a new bed ever night, not knowing when Iâm next going to be able to call, not being able to see my family. The boys donât get it they just said I being selfish which makes it worse. Theyâre worshiped by fans and Iâm not. I get scrutinized for everything I do, am I meant to walk on egg shells this whole year? Tour was so tough last time for all of us, we drifted apart as we all watched each other struggle silently and we couldnât do anything to stop it. We were all so low and Iâm the only one acknowledging itâs going to get worse this tour. I just donât know what to do baby. You make me feel like Iâm at home wherever I am. But youâll be gone and Illâ be left alone with my thoughts plaguing my mind. All of this is made worse as I canât even see you, I just I donât know if Iâm even cut out of for this, maybe I should just quit itâs not like fans like me any-â  you cut him off with a kiss. You fight back your own tears as you tell Cal how wanted he is.
 âYou canât let fear determine how you live your life. Undoubtedly youâre going to have hard days but thereâs people that will help you through it. Every night when you go on stage you can look out into the audience and you know deep down youâve helped them overcome some sort of difficulty. Then when theyâre singing the songs that have helped them back to you, thatâs their way of them saying youâre going to be okay. You may be feeling shitty that day but theyâve got your back like youâve got theirs. As for me Iâm not going anywhere baby, Iâll come see you as much as I can. You can call me whenever I donât care if it wakes me up because youâre health means so much to me okay? Remember Cal this isnât permanent you can leave tour if you feel itâs too much. But you owe to your fans, band, family and most importantly yourself to at least give it a shot. Whatever you decided baby Iâm going to be here for you okay? I love you, donât forget thatâ You get a weak nod in return and you know thatâs all youâll be getting. When Cal does pour out his emotions it drains him massively and you know heâs reached his limit. He just kisses your collarbone and mummers a, âthank you so much, I love you tooâ before falling into a deep sleep.
