When I'm subbing, I'm really drawn to the idea of being "good"- pleasing my top and complying with instructions the best I can. In fact, one of the things I like best about hypnosis from the bottom is that a skilled hypnotist will often never actually allow you to fail (unless they want  you to) which takes a lot of the background anxiety away.  There's also a nice symbiosis with “being good” and my praise kink- the loop of being good to be praised to be even better- and my natural (*cough* cultural*cough*)  tendencies towards people-pleasing. (Kink- the fun of just diving  into some of your worst psychological tendencies in a less risky environment than...life. :)

In life,  I also tend to frequently run into ethical complications (don't we all?) where finding a  clear good can be tricky, so something as uncomplicated as kneeling well and THAT being indisputably good in the moment is really relaxing. 

I tend to like being given tasks - even simple ones- because that gives me more opportunities to do well and be pleasing to my top.

I wrote about this somewhere else but- hot kink for me is sometimes playing with the emotions you feel nervous about expressing. Needy and Greedy are big personal hot buttons because I've tried so hard to avoid them elsewhere- they really don't feel safe or ok to express much outside of kink.

I fight my own (self- perceived) "neediness" a lot in relationships so it's burning hot fire to be able to- or even be encouraged to -be very needy in a scene. I have fantasies about being made to beg and really FEELING that in an abject way (rather than it being a hot performance for a top). I want to be laid low on the face of my vast, overwhelming need (and still be respected later). It feels really hedonistic to wantonly and nakedly need something and have to show that vulnerability to someone else. I have fantasies about crying because I just want something THAT much.

As a top, I love playing with the need of others- creating it, transmuting it, making it big and shiny and burning.

Greediness is another forbidden emotion I like to play with. I find that when I'm topping (or domming specifically) I get the most enjoyment when I'm not just service topping, but actively looking for making things happen in the scene that are hot to me. That may be an expression or a suggestion or a tone of voice but whatever it is- I absolutely have to find those things and make them happen to sustain my energy with topping long term. I'll often have someone repeat a mantra I like or roll their eyes or beg for me over and over- just because I think it's hot and I want it to happen again.

When I'm bottoming, it's also nice to let go of that internal compulsion to manage someone else's experience of a scene and just focus on my experience. I have a strong bottomy desire to be the absolute focus of my top's desire and attention. That feels "greedy" in a way and I can snap out of it if I need to- but it feels so great to indulge in a "forbidden" emotion for a while