Sep 11, 2019
Everything I do is a secret love letter to you.
Ten Word Poem #46
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Everything I do is a secret love letter to you.
Ten Word Poem #46
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"Io non diventerò una star, diventerò una leggenda"
"I won't be a rock star. I will be a legend"
Happy Birthday Freddy!
5.9.1946 - 24.11.1991
☆Brezzamarina☆
September 5, 2019 - Day 78
Had a fun evening climbing with friends.
Ich weiß einfach nicht was momentan los ist, ich bin bis in die frühen Morgenstunden wach und spiel entweder Overwatch oder schau mir auf Netflix Animes an. Wie früher, nur anders.
Ebenso denke ich auch nicht nach oder bin traurig, so. Ich liebe die Nacht einfach und war ab da wo es dunkel wurde immer hellwach, dafür am Tag todmüde.
Außerdem muss ich morgen wieder arbeiten, nach 2 Wochen. Insgesamt muss ich in 3 Wochen 1 Tag arbeiten. Es ist nicht lange eh nur 5 Stunden und auch noch ohne Chefin. Aber ich hab seit damals einen knacks, ich will dort nicht hin und hab angst, auch wenn ich ganz genau weiß das es nicht schlimm wird oder so... ich denke ich muss damit leben.
Nächste Woche ist mein Freund unter der Woche nicht da. Für 10 Wochen.
Ich kann das nicht. Ich will nicht zuhause sein. Vorallem hab ich angst, weil ich ihn das letzte mal als er weg war, betrogen habe. Das sitz tief in seiner Seele und ich hab keine nerven dafür das er beschissen drauf ist oder angst hat, wenn er wochenends zuhause ist... ich will das nicht. Verdammt.
Ich habe daraus gelernt. Ich werde ihn niewieder so sehr verletzten. Dafür tuh ich alles. Er ist bisher der wichtigste Mensch in meinem beschissenen leben.
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Purple's not my favorite color anymore
She was a missing piece id been searching for. A light in the darkness. She had this undeniably and endlessly attractive energy in every interaction between us. She gave me something to look forward to. She gave me purpose, and made me really feel for the first time in years. But it wasn't real. She wasn't real. She faked it all to break my walls down. She broke into my very core, to my softest most vulnerable places. She nested there just long enough to change me. She mixed all of her red in with all of my blue. She made my entire world a beautiful hue of purple, my favorite color, that I believed I needed and wanted more than the air I breathed. She became a part of my lifes journey. I was accustomed to the idea of having her safe inside of me forever. Forever never really lasts. She left without looking back. She felt no remorse for running. She flipped my every emotion upside down, left marks on my every possession, she tagged every surface she could find and when she left she didnt even close the door. She wanted me to watch her walk away. I dont feel safe within myself anymore. I still feel held together with glue and tape fighting to rebuild everything she broke. Starting with the outside walls. They'll be thicker this time. Layered. Reinforced. There's a deadbolt on the door this time. I've boarded up my windows so I dont have to see that shes miles away. I'm finally ready to refurnish and repaint. Nothings going to be purple this time. Purples not my favorite color anymore.
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