#5.16.26

5.16.26

now i cant stop

i believe everyone should bare themselves and live as they truly are but its so hard. it is So difficult because i always worry that if someone gets to know the real me, gets to know my true thoughts and how my brain works, they’ll hate me. no matter how much they love me now i know if they truly knew they’d find me disgusting

and even if they dont, i think my brain will js lead me to feel that theyre lying to make me feel better

i wish everyone was honest all the time

i am so gross dude i really am

i go in between starving and binging no matter how much i try to eat normally

i tru to quit all my unhealthy habits but i keep going back to ghem

i feel like i suck the life out of everyone around me

i am a True parasite

i want to talk to people about how i feel, i really really really do, but i dont want to lose the people around me

i am disgustingly clingy when i Really get to know somebody. i am always vying for attention and if i dont get the right kind of it, if someone seems too distant, i immediately panic and think they hate me. then i try to distance myself but i Cant. i just look so pathetic. i feel like the world would be better off if i died but i Cant Leave because i promised i wouldnt and i cant ever break my promises when its with someone i care about.

i really wish someone would ask about me. be curious about me as a person and how i feel and how i think, on their own. but i know thats never happening because no one cares about me enough tl do that. im always just there. i wish i wasnt always Just There. i want ppl to miss me, to notice my absence so they love me more, but that never happens.