#4thwatchofthenight

hello, i’m back again.

this week, i was not in a good place mentally i.e not mentally sharp.

august came as a surprise with mixed feelings, waves of lethargic-ness, sleep disturbances as i come here after eating quite a bit of chocolate.

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in my last post, i talked about SPIRITUAL REVIVAL.

i have been poor at ‘be-ing’ motivated, consistent, persistent and disciplined in the past few weeks. 

i fell back into my non-structured days after doing a two week partial fast.

i didn’t know that i could fall back so easily.

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although, our Spiritual Father’s love is bigger than I could feel, think, imagine and comprehend.

i still see bible scripture notifications and God’s gifts, hidden gifts every day and  i will admit i have not taken this is me whole-heartedly.

my heart has been tinkled with cultural entertainment 

but at the same time -

been still given the opportunity to seek God as I wake in the early hours of the morning, with a subtle feeling that the Spirit in me is willing -- but my carnal body is weak.

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perhaps #lockdown is a training ground

it feels like a waiting room

a place to re-call, re-member, re-flect

but also to try, test and practice new ways to connect with our Heavenly Father.

i have failed and not ‘performed’ well

nonetheless, i have allowed this pruning process to happen.

it use to be self-motivation and by self effort

now i can sense that the Spirit wants to co-labour in me

the call of faith is as sweet and soft 

yet i miss many opportunities 

i once understood growing spiritually as a ‘perfectionist’ sees it

but i found through this that i am refined by the Creator along each step

it’s the intention, heart and meekness that i am most satisfied by the God of the Bible

call me weak that i use the concept of a Creator to help me