#4amstrings

i had been going through a lot. i got sick from a thyroid condition right before my wedding and then got even sicker as they tried to fix it. after months of back and forth trying desperately to feel better all the while working a job, being a newlywed and trying so hard to be the artist i wanted, i almost gave up. almost always i’d play a show in a bar or something very similar.  i never really like playing shows to bars. I just didn't think they had the spirit which i personally would like to be in.  Plus, i couldn’t imagine feeling up to dealing with promoters, trying to play a show in manhattan after getting ill with at the time i had no idea what was the matter. I felt really lonely and like a cardboard cut out of what i was. One of my biggest dreams was playing with a string quartet (dreams come in all shapes and sizes!). I was in montclair nj and saw 2 amazing string musicians playing on the corner and was like i could def use a dose of this magic in my life. i got their card and talked to them. 4 am string were a quartet and lucky me i get to hang out with 3 of them. I also had a friend jack who is an amazing cellist and human. i pitched them the idea that we play a show where it wasn't about bringing people to a bar to get drunk and pay at the door. it was about people getting together to celebrate an accomplishment. i had written an ep. one i was really really proud of. I thought why not play a show which is usually an electro pop get up with strings. I also love to make things and had just gotten into making clouds. wouldn’t it be something if we played these songs and when people came in they felt like they were in a different world. that’s what we did. and it was seriously so fucking magical. i had broken my foot the DAY BEFORE the show at work. not one part of me wanted to cancel. i was too excited and proud that we could put this kind of love in the universe. so as i sat on my chair that i had my friends put some clouds on... we sang and played away. i’ll never forget looking over at my new and old friends and seeing the clouds hanging and my favorite people in the audience. everyone was happy and grateful. even if they didn't like it or get, they loved me and they were there cause they cared. that’s why we should go anywhere really. so we can be present and care.