#40daysto40

Some people have friends that stick with them from school. Some have cousins they are close to. Some have siblings who never fall out of their life's boundaries even if there are ups and downs in their relationship. Some have colleagues that are like family. Some or all of these in their everyday lives... People find their tribe.

I miss having my handful of loved ones (peers) geographically close to me, and more in my daily (or at least weekly) life. I've tried in my own small ways to re-ignite old friendships and to make new ones, but most people already have their seemingly ringfenced tribes.

In the late 90s and early 2000s, virtual friends (penpals, blogs) were a great support system and a couple of them became very important in-person connections too. A part of me still romanticises that time and craves connections via that realm. 

Marrying the love of my life ignited the excitement of exploring the world with her. I made lists of places I wanted to visit - locally, internationally and everything in geographic proximity. Having kids, relocating to another country and COVID overturned those grand plans in the last decade.

Growing up in a country where manual labour was inexpensive, I never knew what it was like to do household chores or fix broken things. Now, having moved to a country where everyone is expected to do most household things themselves (as professionals charge heftily by the minute)  - cleaning, repairing, even building - I find myself in a strange dilemma.

I discovered my first grey hair in my early 20s and remember wondering if that was the beginning; turned out to be a false alarm. I wonder how I will accept a head full of grey hair, though. Even harder will be a receding hairline.

But again, I remember thinking (as a teenager) I'd never tolerate a paunch on myself, yet the day I couldn't suck it in completely anymore, I meekly surrendered forfeiting all shame.

As a teenager, I wasn’t sure I would ever have children, but here I am today, a father of two.

Never wanted to own a pet (that lived outside a fish tank), but everyone seems to think I should get one. The wife wants a dog, and still, nurses hope that I will someday agree (but I'm hoping to hold out forever). Everyone I talk to when I tell them about getting a house, asks within the first five sentences when I'm getting a dog.

Why do I not taste the juice in love poems and songs anymore? Why do romantic movies feel superficial and frivolous? Where has that tingling feeling gone, that was so prevalent in my younger years at the very thought of love and being together?

When questioned whether he felt annoyed about being asked to do something he didn't want to do, my ten-year-old son defensively replied, "Most children my age would feel this way." Some months ago, he told me, "It may have worked in your generation, but now it won't."

I felt a generation gap between my mother and me when I was a teenager (and still do), but to realise one exists between my son and me feels somewhat unwelcome. One of my goals was (and is) to keep up with changing times; I don't want to pretend I'm young but don't want to become a relic either. 

I've always abhorred the words 'bucket list' or lists titled "...to do before you die". The thought of death shouldn't drive one to do things; for that matter, the thought of death shouldn't loom large in anyone's head.