#3sfas

Sounds like such a terrible time...

unless you spend two hours listening to Coldplay's Pandora Radio, and helping out your favourite teacher in ze whole wide world. (Mr. Au...some) lolol.

"YO WHATTUP MISTA A?!" lmfao, I love Mr. Austin. He's so weird. And funny. He told me I should watch Criminal Minds and Breaking Bad. lmfaooooooo. i <3 his mom.

Somebody texted him so I was like, "somebody loves you!" and he goes, "It's my mom -_- " LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

And then I had a mental breakdown/freakout when I got home because my password for tumblr wasn't working and then I went down to the computer to see if it was on my paper with all my passwords/accounts and it was so i tried it and it still didn't work. And then I remembered last night, like right before I fell asleep, I had changed it. lmfao. I seriously freaked out. (I couldn't retrieve my password from my email because I forget my email's password... lmfao, I should probably change tmy email in case I really DO forget my password LOL).

I'm such a lovely mess.

Last night Jess was being kind of... nice! And humane. And it was weird. And I didn't really know what to think of it like, is she being nice because she has nobody to back her up for being mean, like, what the hell is going on? But I hope she learned that as long as she's nice to me, I'll be nice to her, which is how it's been for the past two years. I've never once been mean to her, and if I was, it was because she instigated it. But I just thought it was nice of her to, you know, be civil. lollollol.

Unlike fucking d-bags to the max in my gym class, who think they're funny by obnoxiously singing "Your sex is on fire". Next time Alexis even hints an inuendo towards/about me, I don't care if I get suspended for knocking her the fuck out. It's really not funny anymore. I've put up with that whole group for a month now, and it is slowly wearing me down, and I swear to the cosmos, I'm not okay with it anymore. I mean, I never was, but I'm going to take matters into my own hands now; they don't seem to be learning, or even realizing what they're doing in general. What makes them think it's okay? Like really.

I hate this school soooo much. lol. itisafuckingjoke.

Well anyways, this week sort of really sucked, but Thursday through today have been quite grand. I'm just trying to make the most of it. I think the only way I could be happier would be to be with Katie. All ze way up in Ooteykah.

USE YOUR VOWELS! ee-ee-ee-ah, ah-oo-ah!

OH! AND IT'S SNOWING! It's snoowwwiing. s-n-o-w-i-n-g. snow.ing. omg. lol, it feels like december, looks like december, but in fact global warming is tricking us in october! ;D oh you're tricky, Excess CO2 ;D

Going out shopping, to get myself a nice winter/fall coat or two, and a few other things. I'm officially sick, with the cough/sore throat, runny&stuffy nose. I'm surprised with myself at how well I sang for the Uptones performance last night though. I drank a hot cup of tea with honey before I went! :)

Last tidbit, I swear: My mum curses way more now because of Roy. Like noticeably more. My mum drinks all the time now because of Roy. They're always drinking wine at home or going out and getting tipsy (yes, and then driving). My mum goes out way more now, pushing me to the back/making me last priority because of Roy. She makes a big deal when I ask her to take me somewhere, which is like hardly ever now. She laughs differently because of Roy. She's on a diet because of Roy. Why can't you love yourself for who you are, Ma? Whatever Roy says, she agrees with, and often times they gang up on me. >.> My mum spends more money on Roy and herself and their dinners and little fucking trips because of Roy, but can't spend a dime on me (which is why I'm excited about getting a coat today... A COAT. lolol). And I mean, I understand that they like each other a lot, and it's her first real and long relationship in a while, but to start treating me like shit and make your own children last priority; I just don't think that's right...

Foster the People- Call It What You Want.

Spending time with Grant & his dogs. 

His laugh, his voice when he sings, his voice in general, his smile, his touch, his humour, the way his house smells, his clothing, his dogs... makes me smile (:

My body cooperating with me for once. 

Talking with Gina, telling her i love her.

Getting out of this house. 

Making memories with people I love, and people i hardly know.  

Being a team in the Sarah Parvin tournament. 

Hellogoodbye- Baby It's A Fact

I obviously met you for a reason. Right?

But honestly, I kind of hate everything right now. Like, everything.

I need you to hold me in the night when I'm alone. You need me & my love... and I need yours, too.

Somebody told me to never give up on some one I can't go a day without thinking about. So here I am... still.

And all I want is you. That's it. I'll be happy with just that. All of your mistakes, giggles, smiles, jokes. Everything. I just want you.

Sometimes I wonder if you think of me when you're falling asleep and I can't help be think that you're not. 

You're the best thing that's ever been mine.

Sometimes, I'll admit, I care too much. But I think maybe that's part of love.

But why do I demand so much from you?

And I've realized I'm really good at pushing people away. You included. I'm just scared of getting hurt; because once you let somebody close, it only leads to being hurt. I've been hurt too many times.

But I'm positive you're someone worth fighting for. 

Your hugs are my favourite. Your kisses are my only. 

And I'm so glad you've always been here for me because nothing sucks more than being alone, no matter how many people are around... :'(

It's nice to feel wanted. You make me feel wanted.

I'm never saying goodbye to you. 

I'm losing my mind, over you.

I don't trust easily. At all. So when the day comes that I tell you I trust you with all my heart, please don't make me regret it. 

I think about you a lot more than I probably should, but you feel like home. You're my home, my comfort. When I'm with you, I get that relieved feeling like I've just walked into my house after a long vacation, and I don't ever want to leave. Just like that.

But honestly. I'M SORRY. Sometimes I get jealous thinking that someone could make you happier than I could. But I guess it's just my insecurities acting up. Because I know I'm not the prettiest, smartest, fun and exciting person. But I do know that no matter how hard you look, you will never be able to find somebody who loves you as much as I do.

Did I lose a spark in my eye, a jump in my step? The sound of happiness and hope in my speech, or a touch filled with care? What have I lost; that doesn't make me, me, anymore? Why do I not have any friends who care enough to show the littlest hint of love? What must I do to gain friends? What have I lost in myself, which had in return made me lose my friends? I am so lonely, and I don't know why. What did I do to lose everything that made me happy- friends. This is the most depressed I've ever been. The worst part is I cannot abuse myself anymore, for I had promised to Grant that I wouldn't injure myself anymore. And I'm sticking to that promise. I want to sleep and never wake up. Who would miss me? Who?