#365jar

I just looked at my hands, as I used to do when a was little, before burning my right hand in 9th grade. I used to do it all the time and I loved it. I could just pass my time staring at them for long moments. One image that I’ve never forgotten is being very small, on the backyard of my grandma’s apartment building in a sunny day, staring at my hands with all the bright green grass as the backdrop, standing beside the slide I just sled from. Which sends me to an even older memory of myself, even smaller, searching through the mud under heavy rain in the spot that formed on the floor right at the end of that slide, like crazy because I lost a gold ring my paternal grandmother gave me just moments before, I because I was so cocky and proud about it I couldn’t wait to wear it and went to the “park” with it, even thou everyone in the room noticed it was to big for me, but I was stubborn. So, there, this is how my mind works most of the time: something good comes at last; something not so good takes advantage and just pops like “haha, here I am.” It sucks!!! But, silver-lining , it’s good to remember.

This morning I woke up, again, so happy, ‘cuz that’s what my little one does, makes me instantly happy. Better than that, my little one said “te amo” for the first time, to me, alone, just the two of us. It hasn’t been an easy day, but that little face, thou so energetic and mischievous, brings joy and hope in the worst moments.

So many toys, in so many shapes, colors and variety of sounds, and somehow a couple of ribbon strings kept my baby interested, entertained and curious for quite a while. That’s when I thought that, definitely, is in the simple things that happiness lurks. Even thou I’m supposed to be the one giving lessons to my child, I end up learning so much from baby. I feel both humble and ashamed. Shame for all those instances in which I’ve became so easily frustrated for so insignificant things or people and ended up acting wrong, mad. When all I should care about is having fun right there in the floor with whatever “stupid” thing is in the way, putting all the effort in learning as much as can from it, while looking up to me, laughing, talking, smiling and just showing and glowing in the purest joy.

Into the burning lake of fire

Let us fill your helpless soul

Fill it with sweet desire"

💀

"That was INSANE!"

Why, thank you, you're very welcome 😉

"That was epic. I'm lucky, very lucky..."

01-07-2018

A little extra added right when I was about to finish the post, so it makes it extra special. Asking for attention and kisses while I’m at this and for my surprise that delicious smell hit me. I almost couldn’t believe it, since I wasn’t able to get it for a while and made me feel nostalgic, as my little one is changing so fast and I was afraid it was never coming back, as many other things have already and are yet to. Now I’m happier than I’ve been all day. So grateful!

Dualism between duty and choice.

01-05-2018