#33weeks

Let’s start from the beginning! The day I first welcomed womanhood with wide arms I was 11 years old. I remember the day as clear as day, like most girls I went to the bathroom went to finish the job and noticed a small amount of blood on the tissue paper. I ran out to tell my mother and her exact words were “welcome to the party!” I was then lectured on what having my period now meant and what feminine products were and which ones I should use; Oh, and HOW to use them. You know, the whole birds and bee’s talk? Yup, I heard that all as well. 

Fast forward to my early teen years, I began to notice that my periods were very irregular and when they did welcome me they didn’t last very long. Concerned I asked my mother if it was normal and she assured me it was all normal as my period hadn’t had time to create it’s own cycle yet and that she had very short periods herself. 

After that I hadn’t worried too much about my womanhood until I started my junior year in high school and was studying human anatomy. As we started on the few chapter’s of what the reproductive system is and how it works, I started questioning why my period didn’t consist of the normal 28-day cycle. I know, I know, by now you’re questioning why at this age I would be concerned with babies at only 16 and the reason is because as a little girl I always told my mom I couldn’t wait to be a mother and that when that day came I would have twins, a boy and a girl that would have blonde hair and blue eyes. As I sat in class and studied more and more of the chapter I was realizing that the way my periods were so irregular and short meant that I could have complications in the future when I did plan on having kids. This worried me, because I truly wanted a family and I had already heard so many woman's stories of infertility. 

Now comes the end of my senior year of high school. I had just started entertaining the idea of being sexually active and thus looked into different forms of birth control. I now had my first appointment with an OB-GYN where I brought up my concerns of possibly having troubles conceiving in the future. She let me know that birth control could help regulate my periods and that once I saw a change that I didn’t need to worry very much, but that she would also run some tests and various assessments so that I felt more assured. After the results returned I was told that I didn’t ovulate every month like normal and that it would be very hard to know when I would because the birth control I had been taken had completely stopped my period altogether. I was then told not to worry and that things could change as I got older. 

July 3rd 2016, I met the person who is now my husband. I was 18 at the time and he was 19 we were so infatuated with each other and spent every single moment of every day together exploring what being in love was like. I was content with myself until March of 2018. I had become pregnant, only to end up miscarrying. I was heart broken that I had been given the chance to mother a child only for it to be taken from me so suddenly. I didn’t want to feel like that again and due to me feeling this way I had begun to pull myself away from my other half. As a desperate attempt to keep me from falling apart and running away from him we began to try and become pregnant again. I was already convinced that I just wasn’t meant to be a mother.

Sometime in June I had started feeling super tired and cramping like crazy. I would have assumed it was just my period but I never get cramps and I was 4 days late. I told Shawn that I thought we should go and get a test. We drove to Target and I decided to take the test in the family restroom. I was 100% certain it would be another negative and wasn’t even very excited to be taking it. After the recommended 10 minutes, I turned the test over and was slapped in the face with a POSITIVE. I started screaming in excitement but was uncertain if what I was seeing was real. I then went and had Shawn go back and purchase another test which was accompanied another positive. It was a positive. I was pregnant. We were pregnant. I was overjoyed! I was given another chance to be a mother.