#30letters30days

Its been years since I've seen you and equally as long since I talked to you. We were young and I was stupid. But I really cared about you, I hope you know that. I wonder if you still think of me sometimes. I wonder what you remember me as and if you remember all the good things like I still do sometimes. It doesn't matter, but I still wonder from time to time. Everything happens for a reason. People come and go, and there's nothing we can do about it, and you taught me that. You taught me a lot. Everything that happened back then forced me to grow up, and now I see the world a lot differently. I've got a lot to thank you for, and I would hope you feel the same. Good luck. Maybe I'll see you again someday. 

Love Always,

Stranger:

I don't know who you are. So I guess I'll just share some things I've learned over the past 18 years. Here it goes:

Generally, things won't go the way you plan them. That perfect scenario in your head of how you want everything to be might not be even close to reality. But you have to learn to be ok with that, and adapt. Learning to make the best of a not so perfect situation, that's what it's all about. 

People come and go. Constantly. And a lot of the time, the ones that go are the ones that you never thought would. It isn't easy, and no, it won't get easier each time it happens. You'll learn to live through it, but it's gonna suck. 

If they replaced you, they probably weren't great friends to begin with.

Don't compromise the things that matter to you. Ever. Not worth it.

Changing is good, just don't lose yourself in the process.

Don't wast time fighting with people you care about. 90% of the time you're going to look back in the future and realize how stupid it was. 

Just chill. Life's not a race.

Go with your gut. 

Be easily amused. Enjoy the simple stuff.

They lied. It's a plant, not a drug.

Cigarettes generally aren't just a "once in a while thing". Don't be fooled. 

No one on facebook wants to hear you complaining about your life in long, drawn out paragraphs. 

Improvisation is a valuable skill. 

Don't throw away a good opportunity just because you're only looking at the negatives. 

You don't know if you don't try.

Sometimes you're my only solace. 

Grow.

But there's one thing I ask:

Mom,

The past few months have been a big change. But I feel like I did the right thing. I fought through the rough parts of being this far away. But I'm doing better now, and I know that's something you're glad to hear. I couldn't have gotten this far without you. I know all you want to see is the five of us making good with our lives and following the dreams we made. I wanna do good, for me and you. Because you were there for every step of the way. And, yeah, we had our differences and we fought a lot. And looking back, it was all stupid because fighting with the ones you love is just a waste of time. Now that I've been away from the people I love for a while, I think about that a lot. I think about all the time thats wasted fighting. And for what? It never gets you anywhere. But If there's one thing I've learned, its not to look back. "Chin up, kiddo. Eyes on the prize," I can hear you saying in my head. You've taught me a lot, mom. You gave us everything you could. 

When your sickness started getting worse, and I couldn't be there for you...it hurt. It still hurts. I know you don't want me to worry. But how's that possible? I think too much. The worse it gets, the harder it is to cope with. All I want is to see you get better. I don't know what I'd do--what any of us would do--if anything ever happened to you. And sometimes, I get choked up thinking about it all. I don't want to see you in pain. It hurts. And the fact that I can't even be there for my own mom........But I know you don't want me thinking like that. You want me living my dream. You want me to do great things. So that's what I'm gonna do. For us both. Love you, mom.

Dad,

There's a lot to say. And I'm not really sure I could get it all into words even if i tried. I have tried. Never works out. Not sure what to say. I want to say that the past is the past. I don't wanna dwell in the past. I used to want to be pissed off and resentful. But that never got me anywhere. No point in that. So I'm done with the past. It is what it is.

But now things are pretty good, for the most part. You helped me a lot recently dad, and I want you to know I do see that. You've tried to give me a lot of wisdom recently. I think now that I'm older, you don't want to see me making stupid mistakes. I think it worries you and Steven and Angela a lot more than it should. Guess its because I'm the youngest our of the 3 of us. I think you guys are just starting to accept the fact that this is it. I'm starting on my own. And Im going to screw up sometimes. Im gonna make my fair share of stupid mistakes. Its just the way life works. I'll learn from other people's mistakes as much as I can, but making a few of my own is pretty inevitable.

Yeah, you seemed worried about me coming down here, but not 'worried' the way most people think of it. But I made it so far. You gotta trust me once in a while. I know I have a lot to learn, but I'm getting there. This year showed me a lot. I sort of see what being on my own is like. I got to start my own life; less control, making my own life choices. I know you wanted me to have that. So it was good I moved away, in the end. And, yeah, it was rough at first. But I didn't give up. I want you to be proud of that. You made an effort in the past few years to really be in my life. Yeah, there were some bad fights. I think we both said a lot of things that we didn't mean, and some of it we really did mean. I guess things are a lot better than they were though.