#23point5ep11

I hate how episode 11 paints Ongsa as immature for being afraid of coming out and worrying about what people will think, as if that's not a common fear among queer youth.

Sun is portrayed as "emotionally healthy" and mature because she prioritizes her love over others' opinions. But that's the problem: Sun prioritizes her love for Ongsa instead of actually putting Ongsa's feelings and fears first. I was put off by so many narrative choices in this episode, like

Sun listing out all the reasons she's upset with Ongsa ...

.... which felt contradictory as those reasons were all connected to Ongsa's insecurities and mental struggles that Sun had previously been compassionate of.

Like, personally, I believe Sun was entitled to be upset about the Earth revelation, as being lied to is deeply hurtful.

But, she understood Ongsa's reasons at the time and didn't get mad at her because it didn't really matter. She also supported Ongsa's decision to keep their relationship hidden, being aware of Ongsa's fears and self-esteem issues.

That's why it felt so wrong when she used those reasons against Ongsa during their fight. It completely undermined the understanding and support she had shown before.

It came across as very "Look at everything I've done for you," like don't be all understanding & supportive if you're going to keep her in debt of your gratitude.

And when Ongsa explains her side, Sun hits her back with:

The girl who outed her girlfriend to her parents without knowing if she was okay with it, or if her parents would accept her, is now criticizing that girlfriend for making decisions on her own without her input?

Like I get that she was upset at Ongsa for making decisions on her own without discussing them with Sun. But what were these decisions, exactly?

Keeping their relationship a secret from her parents because she was afraid they'd be homophobic

Why does she need Sun's input for that, exactly? This is between Ongsa & her own parents. The decision to keep this a secret from her parents affects HER personally because she lives with them. Her parents potentially being homophobic could literally risk her safety & turn her whole life upside down. Sun, on the other hand, had no business outing her & AylinLuna to Ongsa's parents without asking for their input. It was not her decision to make, even if they were supportive.

Keeping their relationship a secret from everyone in school

Again, Ongsa was scared of the reaction, which is completely normal. There's nothing inherently wrong with being afraid of coming out, especially for queer youth who often navigate the complexities of dating, while being in the closet.

Back then, I was so proud of Sun for being understanding of Ongsa's decisions, considering it was her first queer relationship, and fear is a natural part of that experience. Therefore, using that understanding to guilt-trip her now, simply because they had a disagreement, feels manipulative.

Asking Sun not to drop the exchange program scholarship for her

I mean, can you blame Ongsa? If my teenage girlfriend (that I've been with for like a month, mind you) decided to throw away all her dreams & plans away to be me, I'd probably tell her to get her shit together. Like, Ongsa wasn't making the decision for Sun. She was advising her not to prioritize her 5-minute relationship over her lifelong educational & career aspirations, and at such a young age?

I understand that Sun felt hurt because Ongsa didn't want to apply for the scholarship with her. And on top of that, Ongsa didn't even understand Sun's decision of giving up the scholarship to be with her.

But getting mad at her for encouraging her to take up the scholarship is childish. Because Ongsa just didn't want to force either of them to choose between uprooting her own life for Sun's dreams or having Sun give up her dreams to stay with Ongsa.

Ongsa's parents confronting her about her relationship with Sun

Like, fine. That was a sweet scene & I'm happy that Ongsa's parents are NOT homophobic like she assumed. I'm so glad they are supportive and I want them to be MY parents.

But again, I was irked by the way they centred the conversation around Ongsa's inability to prioritize what's important to her & worrying about what people think too much.

"Be more considerate of yourself & the ones close to you," implies that Ongsa is selfish for not coming out. It implies that she thinks too much about what other people think of her just because she's afraid of coming out.

Like WHY is she being repeatedly told that she needs to stop being a people pleaser just because she was scared of telling people she's GAY?

Instead of telling her that they're sorry for not creating a comfortable & safe enough space for her to be vulnerable with them, they're like "Why would you assume we're homophobic when you never even asked?"

I was also upset that Aylin and Alpha told Ongsa about her & Sun, once again taking away her autonomy to do it herself, in her own way, on her own terms. How many times in this show is Ongsa going to get outed.

Plus, despite Ongsa's friends & siblings being supportive of her & giving her a shoulder to cry on, it was disappointing that nobody explicitly took her side.

Nobody told her that it's okay to be afraid, that she's not wrong for the choices she made. NOBODY condemned Sun for outing her. They all acted like she's the one who hurt Sun, even if they WERE understanding.

Alpha you're literally my favourite character and I love you to death. But instead of calling Sun out, it's like she was saying Aw, you've finally learnt your lesson now. Character development! Now, go get Sun back!

Big miss.

Sun's apology

Yes, Sun "apologizes" to her, but not for the right reasons. While it's positive that she did apologize and acknowledged her part in their breakup, it was disappointing that she only addressed their disagreement over the exchange program scholarship situation.

What about apologizing for outing Ongsa? For not understanding her fear of coming out?

Sun claims to love Ongsa for who she is, which, according to the show seems to imply her "loser personality" and the fact that she's a girl. But does she also love Ongsa for her anxiety, fears, insecurities, and tendency to overthink?

It's all "I love you no matter your gender, your looks, and your popularity status," but it's "tata, bye-bye," at any sign of neurodiversity. This is how they messed up the Aylin plotline too, but that's a story for another post.

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