#23.01.2024

Crazy amount of driving so far this week. Again I just remind myself of all the money I'm making and good things it's doing for my career. I think I'd be justified in some days off though so will look to pencil those in... Bio parents continue to self destruct in intense fashion. Clearly sister feels responsible for them and is distraught. It's so desperately awful feeling like there's this nerve ridden tentacle connection to something destructive that means you're feeling the negativity. I feel a lot more removed, probably just with practise. That and therapy and understanding wider dynamics in other families and society etc. It can be so normalised within a family unit or relationship that it is X persons job to maintain and regulate for Y and any failure to discharge the duty is a horrendous dereliction or something akin to leaving a child on a railway track - but it's not right at all. I cannot cure their illnesses, I didn't cause them, and I cannot control them. The 3 c's! Tomorrow I'm going to go to the gym so I can keep on top of exercise needs. If weather isn't terrible also walk dog but there's been storms recently. A nice quiet day at home, badly needed!

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