#22617

Remember when Pete died so spence and I dragged him around the city weekend at burnies style? Aah, good days

i feel like talking about my feelings, about my future. i feel like talking about uncertainty and the way you make me feel. i wanna talk about how i'm not good at anything and i'm forever jealous of your instrumental capabilities. i wanna talk about how you never want to move too far from home, but how i want to escape this place and the memories that come with it. i wanna talk about my issues, why the ones who are supposed to love me endlessly never pick up the phone anymore. i want to travel but i'll never save enough, and how i feel you'll think of me as stupid for wanting to go to thailand. i don't want to go to zoos and see animals locked up. i want to go to your house more, because it's more lit up than mine is, less depressing. i want you to tell me why you don't feel comfortable at home, and i want to know what you're thinking every second of the day. i want to know when you get jealous of others, and i want to have all your attention. i want to go to coffee houses with you and walk downtown all over the world with you and i want you to understand and ride in a hot air balloon with me. i want to love you doubtlessly and i want to trust you with my soul. but i am so scared to give all of me to you. it's been so long since i've known what love felt like and i'm still learning and trying to put my pieces back in place, but some of the edges won't fit like they used to. they've been worn down. they don't know what it's like to be cared for, the box has been left out too many times. i just want to be a finished picture.

Real upset I have to move. I'll never think of a name like urieeletric again

Irgendwann erstickst du an deiner eigenen Wiederlichkeit und ich werde dir dabei zusehen und dir nicht die Hand reichen.

I knew I was not going to sleep early tonight after a long day at work. it’s 11:52pm 

so happy for moonlight tonight

dear dumbass today victor got mad at me for my snapchat story. It was scary. I lied to him and told him it wasn’t about him. I hate him, why can’t he like me? I’m so much better than Rusul. She rubs everything in EVERYONES faces. Like idc what happens in your life, stop telling me. Anyways, today was Rusul’s half birthday, so me, Rusul, and Nadeen went to tyson corner mall. We went to Wasabi Sushi. It was so good and such a good experience. Then we walked around, we went to urban outfitters, forever 21, h&m, lorde and taylors, and charlotte russe. None of us bought anything. It was fun tho. At the end we went to Shilla Bakery, we got bubble tea. The cashiers were so cute. At the end Nadeen started to text Mo. It was annoying. She texted him in the car, it pissed me off bc she said “this isn’t enough, we should hang out more” why don’t you make use of it? Sighh anyways dad got me a panda magnet, it was so cute. Then Rusul kept texting me to help her but I ignored. She came and asked for help for her English assignment. I decided that I’m gonna stop talking to her. She only comes when she needs help. I’ve been so nice, she doesn’t deserve it tho. I hate her. I hate victor. Honestly there’s no point faking being happy and nice to him. There’s no point. I hate him alot at this moment. He’s blinded. I’m getting nothing out of talking to him. All he does is hurt me but he doesn’t even realize it. He makes me look like a bad person. I mean what would you do in my situation. The dark thoughts are coming back. I can’t stop. I have to distance myself from him. He’s gonna leave me tho. But is that really so bad? I’m a monster after all. Do I even matter to him? One way to find out. I'm gonna stop using snapchat. I hope that works. I'll use it for streaks in the morning, night, and maybe some time after school. I really hope I can stick to it tho. For at least 3 days. We'll see what he says. I'll know what's up.