#21may2015

I don't want this.

Over soon.

The end is near.

Monster.

Unless.

Tired.

Hated."

I definitely failed my exam today. I couldn’t answer 90% of the questions. But I’m passed caring about that now.

I finally had a shower (it’s horrifying how little I care about hygiene and eating when going through a bad patch) and went to make an appointment with student services to talk about what’s been happening. I’m going to see them on Tuesday. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with the nerves until then.

I also went to the doctors with Jack. He told the doctor about the self harm which is a relief. I thought he would try and hide it from the doctors. They increased his dose of anti depressants and he starts the higher dose tomorrow.

I had to call in sick for work because I felt ridiculously nauseous. Now I’m sitting revising with Jack, which translates to him asking me for help occasionally and telling me how sad he is. I wish so much that I could make it better. Take away all his sad. But I just don’t know how.