#20yearoldproblems

      Judge me or don’t judge me but I am one of those friends that logs off Facebook only to “cleanse” myself from the constant updates. I won’t lie, I am addicted to Facebook but sometimes you have to remove yourself from a place that makes you feel some type of way.

     When I mean “some type of way” I don’t mean the giddy feeling of finding out what your crush is doing and you get all excited about it but more of the “I don’t care but I do in a sense”. Does that make sense?...

     WELL, let me clarify to save myself from this horrible rant. I am someone who compares my self to others. Don’t we all? And I am starting to realize that it is so very unhealthy. It’s been two years since I have graduated high school and I feel like I am not as accomplished as my other colleagues who have now joined sororities and blossomed in their lives so far. And I do genuinely care about how happy everyone is but then I feel like I hate them all.

   If you relate to me then we make up the large percentage of what modern day society calls HATERS. I think there’s nothing wrong with haters it just means we need to get our priorities straight and the first step to making you less of a hater is feeling more confident about yourself. And I have yet to learn.

   So overall, Facebook traps you in this constant loop of jealousy and hatred but in order for you to truly be free of that is to focus more on being happy for your online friend. Hey, maybe they might be someone who is cat fishing you and 90% of the time they are actually miserable. But that’s the hater side of me saying that.

    Cleanse yourself from Facebook, live life without comparing yourself to others, and be able to not judge other people. And maybe even start talking to someone outside of FB messenger to see how they’re doing. But for now when I do log onto Facebook from time to time and the scrolling begins with a colleague having the time of their lives at a party or a family member abroad in London i’m just like.....

I’ve been thinking recently, and realized that I learned a lot since I’ve become and “adult”. It feels weird being 20, people don’t make a big deal of the year 20, but it hit home tonight. It feels like I don’t know who I am, yet everyone expects me to have everything figured out. Yes, I’ve figured out I want to be a photographer, I want to be fluent in at least 3 more languages, and I’m a raging lesbian. Oh, and my self esteem is so shitty, I can barely stand to hear myself think. 

I’m working on that stuff though. Slowly these things are working themselves out. I feel like Sapphire from Steven Universe. I’m seeing the end result, and not actually dealing with the problem in the present. Which is awesome if I am Sapphire, because (Even though she might not think it, I at least feel this way about her) my girlfriend is totally my Ruby.~  Puns and all <3

It just feels like everyone needs /me/ to solve their problems, when they wont really help me with my own. I am probably a control freak or I am crazy, but I have several friends who ask me for advice, I tell them, and they don’t listen, then they regret it. I have several friends who just can’t return that favor, and I feel so fucked up, because I end up feeling like its because I’m a bad friend.