#20240129

my plans for today (and for the upcoming weeks are: studying 3-4 hours vocabulary in the morning, 3-4 hours grammar in the afternoon and every other day practicing talking in the evening for my oral exam 🥹💦❤️‍🩹 i will be dead tired at the end of february, but it will surely be worth it 💞💕💕 knowing myself i wont be following my own study plan and will end up studying more.. and sleep less.. may God be with me during that time of sleepiness. little improvement: i haven't had to take a pill against anxiety for days now! i do feel the anxiety rising sometimes but i can manage and keep my mind away from scary thoughts 🥰💕💕💞🩷

im really excited for february despite the seven exams!!! 🥺🥰🥰💕💝 i cant wait to help E move into her new place. she plans on painting her walls and will most likely ask me and a few other friends to help 🫶🏻💞💕

i want to finish the books i wanted to read in january throughout this week, so i can start reading the books i planned for february soon (i may have to adjust my plans, i completely forgot how stressful exam phases are for me, they drain so much of my mental energy that i end up staring into empty space for hours without moving 🥹) i would also like to fill out a few pages of a bullet journal my friend and i are working on 🥰💕💕💞 i have so many ideas!! and so many new stickers www

now that the sun is shining more often i feel a lot happier. i think i said this before, but it really is strange and scary how much the weather influences my mental health. its hard enough being more prone to falling back into depression, its even harder when environmental factors contribute to that as well. but on the brighter side, i feel extra happy when the sun shines 🥰💞💞💕💝

this turned into a very very long post. i just had a small breakdown, i wont dwell on it too much, but i was cursing a person and i told myself and if i will die and be judged in the same way then so be it because i cant be saved. but thats not true. God is forgiving and God is everloving and one day when i will die and meet Him i will cry and cry and cry at His feet. and His light will shine on me and then i will find true peace.