#2014grammys

The 2014 Grammy Awards

>>> Well dear friends, another year of ‘Grammy Award Winners’ have come and gone. For good or bad, we don’t have to think about them until next January… when the network starts boasting ‘incredible performances’ and ‘even better awardees.’ As I do every year, I fall for this hook, line, and sinker. I’m serious; every year I say ‘screw you Grammys’ and by the next year I have forgotten all about it. I think to myself ‘this is the year they will finally get it right.’ And this year? Nope. Honestly, I feel like I was just punched in the groin by the end of the show. Nothing changes - the same old crap happens and you stay up until all hours of the night waiting for that last act, all to be utterly disappointed by what you get.

L.L. Cool J hosted the event this year and all I have to say is ‘what the hell happened to you?’ You used to have an edge to you. I guess NCIS Argentina or whatever the show you are on has turned you into mush. The only thing I agreed with was the generalities he said about music. The first live act we got was from Lorde and it was junk (the performance was a rhythmic version of her hit song ‘Royals’). I actually kind of liked the song she performed; however, the girl has no showmanship whatsoever. It was painful to watch, and I am not talking about a getting-a-shot-in-the-arm painful. I am talking about ripping fingernails out painful. The girl seemed to be trying way too hard to make a first impression on the viewers. It seemed to be a cross between a Japanese horror movie with all of her semi ‘herky jerky’ movements and an awkward conversation with those emo-kids in school you had to have because they were put in your group to dissect frogs. I have listened to her album about five times and I still don’t get it. To me, she seems to be a bit of a one hit wonder. I am sorry to label her as this, but there is nothing on that album that impresses me.  

Next up, this kid Hunter Hayes performs a song titled ‘Invisible.’ Well guess what kid - you accomplished that because nobody even knew you were there. He starts off at a piano. Which, the piano seemed to be the trend of the night and - well you guessed it -nobody cared or remembers what he did.  There were quotes from more famous musicians on the screens behind him and the only thing I can remember about his performance was a quote from Lady Gaga that said, “There is no difference between the bully and the victim.” What the hell does that mean? There is a huge difference and that is that one is a complete asshole and the… yeah Gaga, you got that right… the victim! Please, somebody explain this quote because, for the life of me, it is utter nonsense! Katie Perry was up next. All I can say is that it seemed like a cross between the B-movie The Beastmaster and a bad version of Cirque Du Soleil. I honestly would not have been surprised if two men dressed up as ferrets would have ran across the stage. Go on Youtube right now and look up The Beastmaster if you have no clue what I am talking about.

In between these ‘whimsical’ live acts, there were actual awards given out. The governing body that is the Grammy Recording Academy did a pretty good job this year with the winners. For once, the awards were decent. On the other side of the coin, the live performances were the let down. Lorde won a Grammy and during the acceptance speech she talked about being completely surprised by the results. Well let me tell you lady, that makes two of us. This freaking show has turned into a variety hour and I do not like it. Hey, here is an idea: let’s put Ronin Thicke and legendary band Chicago together and see what happens. Again, pain and suffering. Thicke covers a few Chicago songs and then, of course, he goes into his Blurred Lines song. At that point, I lost interest and started playing Angry Birds. Why in the hell I stuck around, abounds me. Oh yeah, I remember: the hook at every commercial break that kept you around making you think an artist you wanted to see was right around the corner with an epic performance.

Pink was up next and I think she did the same performance as last year. If not the same, then pretty damned close. Again it feels like a dadgum Cirque Du Soleil show. Up until this point, it was the most exciting thing that had happened all night. I’m an hour into this show and she’s the one act that scored a six out of 10 on my ‘like meter’. Ringo Starr you’re up next, and even though I love you and I love the pictures that were displayed behind you during your performance, please, oh please stick to the drums. You cannot sing. 

Why do I do this to myself? If I seem totally negative about the evening then I am doing a very good job at writing about my emotions because I was indeed that negative and upset. When Muse is a nominee for best rock song, you know there is a problem in the music industry.

It is, at this point, where I see a commercial for Pepsi flipping the script and having pro-football analysts do a sort of ‘half-time’ performance for the Grammys. If you can even believe this, up to that point in the show - that was the highlight. I felt like Taylor Swift was ripping my love of music from my very soul while repeating the lines “Finish Him (ala Mortal Kombat)!” in the background.  

The next performance was basically a newer version of the Highwaymen. This is a sort of Highway Men 2.0 if you will, which includes Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson. Merle Haggard and Blake Shelton. I noticed during the performance that many a young artist and Grammy-goer looked bored, giggling and, at most, disengaged.  I was hoping that one of the three “Bad Boys of Country” would have gone down into the audience and pimp slapped some dejected artist. Oh well; a guy can dream can’t he? What more can you say about country icons than that they did a good job, but are starting to show there age a bit? Damn. All I wanted to do at this point was wipe the drool from my lip and take off my football helmet!

However this is a turning point. The show takes a turn off the interstate and begins to head down an old country road that feels warm and inviting, ushered in with performances by Daft Punk, featuring Pharell and Stevie Wonder. Next, there was a follow up by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis with their hit song “Same Love.” Both performances were outstanding except for - dare I say - an appearance by the elephant in the room that was Madonna during the Macklemore song. Something is missing… Oh wait. There it is: that sinking feeling in my stomach that this is about to get stupid again. Why was Madonna even there except to show off her pimp cane and let everyone know that in fact she was still alive? Yes, indeed lady; if not from the sheer power of witchcraft, we all know you are still kicking. The result of this was Madonna and the breakout vocalist from “Same Love” Marry Lambert in a very uncomfortable back-and-forth that I can only compare to a polar bear and seal sitting together debating global warming.

Metallica was up next and all I could think was ‘you had better slay it.’  Nevermind - I forgot what you guys have become. As my brother told me later, it seemed like James Hetfield looks more like Garth Brooks these days than the thrashing lead vocalist of the great Metallica. Let us all stand in silence for a brief moment as we mourn the loss of this great band. You put a freaking pianist into the song ‘One’?! What the hell are you thinking and were did your manhood go? Hold on, hopes have risen… a commercial touting a breathtaking performance by Trent Reznor, Queens of the Stone Age, Lindsey Buckingham and Dave Grohl. Nevermind, Metallica. You are forgotten about in the midst of my anticipation for this power performance by some actual rock and roll artists.

The performance I had been waiting for all night - the coup de gras if you will… The mixture of a little Nine Inch Nails, Dave Grohl, the King of the Mac, Foo Fighters, and Queens of the Stone Age. I was about to be in Candy Land. My token had just made it through the Lollipop Woods and I was well on my way to the Gingerbread House. See, the Grammys aren’t so bad. There is still hope… oh wait a minute why is there a commercial on?

Why did the music stop?

Wait, the show is back on but now there are only credits.  

I don’t understand what has just happened.  

Did I just land in the Molasses Swamp?

Did they seriously just end the show two minutes into the performance that I have waited four hours to see? My heart sank to my toes as I realized that yes; they had cut the best performance of the night short (later we would find out - after Reznor tweeted in a rage ‘music’s biggest night… to be disrespected. A heartfelt F&*K YOU guys’ – that the song originally was slated for six minutes. They cut the performance by a minute and a half!). My jaw was on the floor. I could not believe what had just happened.  The Grammys had just duped me yet again into thinking there would be a ‘button of hope’ in the world of crap that these shows have become.  

I was saddened and distraught, but alas, music will still continue to be made. Some will be good and some will be bad, but at the end of the night, do not let any governing award body tell you what good music is. If you like it and it touches you, inspires you, makes you cry, makes you work out harder, or makes your heart race, then it is indeed award winning music. As always, look me up on Facebook at Music In The Key Of Ott if you want to discuss the award show or just music in general. In closing, I will share with you a simple Facebook message between a dear music-loving friend and myself. I will do my best to clean it up a bit, as it was pretty profane-ridden:

(In reference to the last act of the night starring Trent 

Reznor, Queens of the Stone Age, Foo Fighters and 

the great Lindsey Buckingham)

Me -  Alright, here we go.

Friend - WTF. There gonna cut it off!

Me - WTF

Friend - Effing A$$hats.

Me - Eff you Grammys and your effing commercial! 

You’re effing out.

Friend - I’m so effing pissed.

Me - Was the 10 bucks they made worth it? I’m effing 

furious!

Friend - I can’t believe that. I am in disbelief.

Me – Well, should have effing known. That is effing 

perfect.