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Karunya Plus KN 270 Kerala Lottery Result (20.06.2019)

Karunya Plus KN 270 Kerala Lottery Result (20.06.2019)

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Every now and then, I find myself in these really silly arguments with my brother. They are usually as passionate as they are silly. And I find myself spending twice the energy defending something I only half believe in.

“I don’t know why, but he just brings out that side of me,” I usually tell my friends afterwards. “And I hate that he has that power over me.”

“That’s family for you,” they usually say.

I realised today that my dad has a similar effect over me. 

For the most part, in my life, I consider myself an adult. I trust myself and am confident in things I do and say, the decisions I make. I feel their weight and take on the responsibility for their effect. 

But whenever I speak to my dad, I feel like a child. Like, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with my life.

Part of it is that my dad and I don’t know each other very well. The things he wants for me and the things I want for myself are not exactly the same. But most of all it’s because despite all that, I want to make him happy. I want him, on some level, to be proud of me.

“Dad, do you think I’m a failure?” is something I asked him not too long ago.

I had a dream a few days ago that he was disappointed with me. In the dream, I was crying and apologising. And he was not responding. But even in the dream, I knew the thing I was apologising for wasn’t that I didn’t do the thing he wanted me to do, it was that I never told him that I didn’t want to do that thing. I didn’t want to tell him no.

“The thing is, you’re very high in agreeableness,” my therapist once said.

It’s a bit like that project management triangle: Do things that are true to me; Say things that are true; Make dad happy.