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[Dispatch = Reporter Kim Soo-ji]

“In fact, I wasn't at peace.”

I asked why.

“I know my fault...”

Wonho took out his past.

“Any words would only be excuses. I was wrong.”

He continued.

“So I did my best. So that I would never live like that again.”

Then he talked about his love for the fans.

“I have receive something that’s called love. So at least, I don’t want to disappoint them.”

Dispatch interviewed Wonho, who was active as Monsta X, in February, when the investigation of marijuana accusation was in action.

“Yes, I admit my past. I was childish. I am trying to not live like that. I only think about the other members, the group, our fans.”

And added. It was all a misunderstanding.

“I didn’t do marijuana. The police is currently investigating it. When my innocence is proven, please write my story.”

“I want to apologize and I want to clear the misunderstandings. And I want to earn an apology.” Then he told the story of his childhood.

◆ "Those days, I was unhappy"

A rental apartment in Sanbon-dong, Gunpo-si, Gyeonggi-do. A (small) living room and one room were all. There, he lived with his grandmother, father, mother and younger brother.

“Until I was 20, we lived in a small rented apartment. My grandma had the room so my father, my mother, me and my brother had to sleep in the living room together. I didn't know it was poverty, back then.”

Then when he entered elementary school, he couldn't get along with his friends. And he was bullied. He was made miserable, repeatedly. Wonho was a timid child with a lot of fears.

“One day they bullied me because I was dirty, the other day because I was boring. My friends hated me. To be honest this is a memory I don’t want to recall.

“In other words, I was an outcast. My house was not peaceful, either. Because my parents often fought. So I spent more time outside, everyday. Then I met some unfamiliar hyungs on the neighbourhood, and I followed them around.”

◆ "Being bad was better"

Then after that, no one bullied him. In fact, he felt like he was the one who scared them. And he said he liked how his friends felt uncomfortable with him.

“One day, I bumped with the friend who used to bully me. Unconsciously I flinched. But that friend said 'Hoseok, I'm sorry' first.

Suddenly I felt good. I shouldn't though..” Wonho stopped being an outcast. But he wasn't happy. And even his personality changed. It was when he was at the high school.

“That day too, my parents were fighting. I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe. I no longer saw hope (in my house). I left the house without any plan.

I didn't know the price of a family back then.” The outside world was more dangerous. He met with new friends and things went awry. His friends received received punishment for special theft. Wonho was placed on probation.

“I don't want to blame my friends. Because that was my choice too. I know it sounds like and excuse, but I was childish. It's my fault. I did wrong. I'm sorry.”

◆ "I have a dream"

Wonho's teenage was empty. But then when he was at the second grade of high school he met Jung Daeun.

“We got close pretty soon. We became fitting models together. Daeun helped me a lot. She cheered me so I can dream my dream to become a singer.”

Before his 20s, Wonho, no, Hoseok was rough. He blamed the reality and went off the way. But after his 20s, Lee Hoseok, no, Wonho changed. He countered the reality and became better.

“I saw some friends who practiced like crazy. They were dreaming something called 'dream'. I was ashamed. I lived only by blaming others.. So I promised. That I would not waste my life any longer.”

Then Wonho practiced day and night. He went to the company whenever he could. When he needed to practice alone, he would go to the emergency stairs and practiced there.

“With my fellow trainees I danced and sang over night. It wasn't hard. Because I got the hope that 'there's a future for me, too.' I was happy. And I also really liked living together with them. I learned a lot for 4 years.”

◆ "The past stood in the way"

Then he debuted with Monsta X in 2015. He released 12 albums in Korea. America, Europe and Asia. It paid off. At the time, they ranked 39th in the 'Billboard' Pop songs chart (2019). It was the third time in K-pop history.

And Wonho ran for the future too in 2019. But then his past tripped him. The accusation of debt, theft and even marijuana use in 2013.

“There's my fault, but there's a misunderstanding too. Of course it's something I can’t reverse. Being in a similar environment doesn't mean that I go out of line too. I reflected a lot when I was under probation (for special theft).”

Wonho no longer gives excuses. He admits his past and he was sorry for it. But for the marijuana use, he strongly denied. He never touched any drugs at all.

“I admit the problem with my past. But what's not is not. I never do marijuana. And I have explained this part clearly to the police.”

And after the investigation for more than 5 months, they released the statement that there's no proof of him using marijuana. And they also investigated about the other drugs but there's no proof either.

◆ “I didn't want to hurt you”

Wonho left his group in October. “I was really doing my best to prepare for the new album. I really hate seeing Monsta X fall (because of me). I thought that dropping out sooner would be the path for the group to live. I wanted to block the damage as best as I could.”

One more, there's Monbebe in his decision.

“I can talk about this confidently. After I met Monbebe, I changed a lot. I know how it felt to be loved. I want to live my life even better day by day.”

According to him, he only had Monbebe. His daily life was all about composing, working out and communication (with Monbebe). He actually talked with Monbebe for 3-4 hours during the world tour via V Live.

“Actually it's the first time I ever felt that warmth. So I don't want to disappoint them. I only want to do the things that the fans like. I want to return the love. But...”

◆ “But I'm sorry”

He recalled his past and wondered what he could do. And the only answer was withdrawal. He thought that that would (at least) lessen the fans' pain.

“I have promised a lot to my fans. I said I would always be by their side. I'm sorry I could only leave you like this. I live only by looking at you, though..”

Then he explained why he could only do that.

“I lived my past as Lee Hoseok, and now I live as Wonho. Is Wonho responsible for the things Hoseok did? I have to be. At the end, my past hurt you. I want to lessen your pain.”

Wonho didn't go out of the house for a long time. He was afraid it would give damage to the people around him so he lived holding his breath. And then he was free from the accusation of marijuana. He said it was a relief.

“Even now I can't forget my fans. Rather, I regret it. I should have treated you better. I just want to say I'm sorry, that's why I did this interview.”

'Actually, I'm always feeling unsettled''

We asked why he felt like that,

Wonho opened up about his past.

"Because I know my mistake..."

"No matter what I say, it's just a fallacy. It's because I was wrong."

He continued.

"Therefore, I tried my best, so that I would not make the same mistake again."

Above all, he said that thanks to his fans, he was determined to change.

"I have got what is called love. I don't want to let them down, even just a little."

In February, Dispatch had a meeting with Wonho, Monsta X's former member. At that time, he was reviewing himself for his past controversies when the police were investigating his allegations of drug use in 2013.

"Yes, that's right. I acknowledge my past. I was too stupid. I have tried my best not to live like that again. I only think about the members, the group and my fans."

He added that he was misunderstood.

"I don't use drugs. The police are investigating it. When my innocence is proven, please write an article about my story. I want to apologize and clear up the misunderstanding. I also want to be forgiven by everyone."

On March 10, the police ruled Wonho not guilty. After the investigation on allegations of drug use, the police closed the case because no suspicious points were found. Therefore, we would like to write about Wonho's story.

◆ "It was unfortunate in those days"

An apartment for rent located in Sanbon Ward, Gunpo City, Gyeonggi Province. This apartment has a living room (small size) and a room. Wonho lived there with his grandmother, parents, and younger brother. A miserable period of his life.

"I lived in a small rental apartment until I was 20 years old. My grandmother used the only room. My father, mother, younger brother and I all ate and slept in the living room. At that time I didn't know it was poverty."

In elementary school, he didn't get along well with his peers. He was always teased. The torment went on repeatedly. Wonho was a shy and timid child.

"Sometimes my friends teased me by saying I'm dirty, sometimes bullied me just because they felt bored. My friends didn't like me at all. In fact, there are many more memories I don't want to remember. In short, I was alienated by my friends."

Certainly, he got troubled at his home as well. Wonho's parents fought every day for money. Wonho spent most of his time outside. Then, he knew a stranger in the neighborhood.

"At home, I was not at ease because my parents argued all the time. I had to kill the time outside every day. Just like that, I happened to know a brother in the ward, then I started to follow him."

◆ "I was once interested in bad things"

Since then, Wonho wasn't bullied anymore. No, rather, others started to avoid him. Wonho said he felt fun seeing his friends being dissatisfied.

"One day, I went downstairs and bumped into a friend who had bullied me. I unconsciously cowered. However, that guy opened up first, "Ho Seok, I'm sorry." I suddenly became arrogant. That's not good, but..."

Wonho escaped from being an outcast. But he did not feel happy. The situation was still the same, the discord did not end yet. Eventually, he became more and more pessimistic. This happened when Wonho was in high school.

"My parents argued on that day. Suddenly, I felt choked in my heart. I saw no hope in this house. I walked out of the house unconsciously. At that time, I did not realize the importance of families."

Outside the family's shelter, it was even more dangerous. Wonho hung out with new friends, then was caught up in something he shouldn't have done. Some of his friends went to juvie on suspicion of special theft. Wonho got milder punishment, he was placed under probation.

"I don't want to blame my friends. Because that was also my choice. It sounds like an excuse, but at that time, I was not mature. It was my fault. My fault only. I apologize."

◆ "I had a dream"

Wonho ran into a lot of difficulties in his teens. It's literally a stormy period with intense highs and downs. Then, he met Jung Dae Eun. He remembered that it was when he was in the 2nd year of high school.

"We immediately became closer. We also did modeling jobs together. Da Eun helped me a lot. She even supported my dream of becoming a singer."

Before the age of 20, Wonho, called Lee Ho Seok at that time, was a rebellious boy. He went astray and resented reality. However, after the age of 20, Wonho changed. He moved forward and tried his utmost to overcome the reality of life. That is the epiphany.

"I saw my friends practice like crazy. They were all dreaming of their own dreams. I was jealous of them. So I could only live in resentment... At that time, I promised myself that I won't waste my life anymore."

Wonho practiced day and night. Whenever he had free time, he ran to the stair corridor because he needed a place to practice alone. There, he constantly danced, rested, and danced again.

"I joined the trainees who entered the company at the same time with me to dance and sing all night. I didn't feel tired. Because there was a ray of hope in me that 'I have a future too'. I was happy. Activities with the group were also very delightful. In those 4 years, I learned a lot."

◆ "The past gets in the way"

In 2015, Wonho debuted as a member of Monsta X. The group has released 12 albums in Korea as well as taking Asia, Europe, and the United States by storm. Monsta X also achieved significant success as they landed at No.39 on Billboard's Pop Songs Chart (in 2019) and became the third K-pop artist to accomplish this.

In 2019, when Wonho was on the rise, his murky past caught up with him. He, in turn, entangled in the controversy related to the Me Too movement and the fact that he was once under house arrest was also exposed. In 2013, he was even placed under investigation in suspicion of drug use.

"It's true that I made a mistake, but there are some misunderstandings about me as well. Of course, I'm aware that these are irreversible. Because not everyone goes down the wrong way and falls into such a situation. I reflected on myself a lot at the time I was under house arrest."

Wonho didn't give more explanations. He admitted his past wrongdoings and apologized many times. However, he resolutely denied suspicion of drug use. He said that he absolutely never touched that illegal substance.

"I acknowledge my past deeds. But what I didn't do, I would say no. I absolutely do not use drugs. I have explained it clearly to the police."

After more than 5 months of investigation, the police have concluded that Wonho was innocent. They did not find evidence related to drug use. The police also investigated whether Wonho used drugs in the form of tablets. However, they did not discover any drugs.

◆ "I don't want to hurt anyone"

Wonho quit Monsta X. In October 2019, before officially departing from the group, he left a message that reads, "The members have been hurt by someone like me. All of them have no relation to me at all. I hope that you guys will be Monsta X's pillar of strength.

"The group made lots of efforts to prepare a new album. I hate to see Monsta X collapse (just because of me). I think I should leave the group as soon as possible so Monsta X can continue their activities. I'd like to prevent the damage to them as much as I could."

One more thing, the reason for his determination is MonBeBes.

"I can confidently say that I have completely changed after meeting MonBeBes. I understood what it is like to be loved. I want to live a good life every day."

According to Wonho, he has never lost his concentration on work. Most of his daily tasks are making music, exercises, and fan communication. In fact, Wonho often chatted with fans through live broadcasts, each of which lasted for around 3~4 hours, during his overseas tour.

"Actually, this is the first time I feel such warmth. So, I don't want to let everyone down. I just want to do the things that the fans like. I want to repay that love. But..."

◆ "Anyway, I'm sorry"

The past has been exposed. He wondered what he could do. It was concluded that he could do nothing but withdraw from the group. He thought it was a way to ease the fans' pain (even just a little).

"I promised the fans many things. I also said I would always stay by their side. Although I only lived and thought of fans, I apologize for leaving this way..."

However, he explained that he was forced to do so

"In the past, I lived as Lee Ho Seok, and now as Wonho. Is it possible that Wonho is not responsible for what Lee Ho Seok did? I have to shoulder that responsibility. In the end, I have hurt everyone with my past. I want to relieve that pain."

Wonho hasn't left his house for a while. He lived in silence, to avoid causing damage to those around him. During that time, he was cleanly acquitted of drug-related allegations. Wonho shared that it was fortunate enough.

"Even up to now, I can't forget the fans. On the contrary, I am just so regretful. I feel regret, I should have done a little better. I do this interview with one reason only, which is to apologize to everyone."

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