I wonder how I am going to make it through. I take it minute by minute. One minute may be okay, another torturous, another splendid. Each one so different and each one takes me to the next moment in life.
But I wonder what my purpose in life is? I feel like without purpose, what is the point in living? It’s not that I’m suicidal in the traditional sense, it’s more that I’m wondering what my worth is on this planet. Why am I struggling with my finances? Why am I fighting to become a better person? Why am I figuring out who I want to be & trying to achieve that (to great struggle)? What are the better “things” I am chasing after?
I don’t want to be running a race that leaves me broken, bruised and unfulfilled in the end because I was striving for something I never understood. In fact, I don’t want to run any kind of race at all. I want to enjoy life. I want to enjoy myself, my body, my passions.
I’m tired of all this fighting and struggling I have to do just to... to SURVIVE day in and day out. Just to exist. And I don’t know why. I don’t know for what. “They” say if you touch just one life than your purpose is served... but I don’t even know that. I can’t even understand that right now. I don’t want my life to be a struggle to touch just one life. I want my life to reach more than that. I want my life to mean...something to...someone.
And I don’t think it means much to anyone right now. Including myself.
