#13thletter

Hello! Omg, it's been more than a year again since my last letter to you. I wasn't even able to tell you about the 2-day SS9 that I attended, and that was what my last post was about. Hhhhhh I had such a great time and when I got home to my friend's condo, I just went straight to packing because I have a flight to catch early December 19, so I didn't really have time to actually sit and write something huhuhu (I was in standing on the 2nd day and I've been standing for half a day that day so the exhaustion was really crazy. but definitely worth it!!!!!!) I'll find time next time to reminisce and tell you about it!

Anyway, I'm back here because I'm kinda feeling dejected right now and I just want to tell someone about it, and that someone is you! Haha.

I honestly don't know if I still have a future. I've been applying for different kinds of online jobs for more than a month now and still, nothing. And I am in desperate need of money because I don't want to be a burden to my family anymore. I need money for my medicine and for other stuff that I need, especially when I go back to school in an entirely different place. I need to sustain myself because I really really really don't want to be a burden anymore. The only motivation I have right now is IU's concert this June 1, to be honest. I badly want to see her live before I die that's why I'm really doing everything I can just so I can get the money I needed for that. Super Junior, IU, Day6, Seventeen are the artists that saved me countless times when I was in the darkest, most shittiest place, thus I really want to see you all in this lifetime before the heavens (or hell) decide to take me away.

I am so desperate but at the same time I'm also losing hope. And I don't want to lost hope. Because I really really really need money. I'm scared to lose all the hope that I have left in my body because if that happens, I will probably hit rock bottom again and will probably never recover ever again.

Ah. It's so hard to be poor, lol. Will I ever succeed in this life? Will I ever experience to live my days worry-free? Will I ever earn even just enough money to let myself (and my pets) live? To help my parents in their medical needs? To afford eating out without worrying about the price of the food that we want to eat? To afford treating my family out sometimes? I don't know. But I hope so (and I say this with all the hope left in me).

Hhh. I'm currently listening to your ballad songs while I'm writing this, just to avoid breaking down. See? You're going to save me today once again. I honestly owe my life to you, my favorite artists. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here writing this anymore.

I hope we'll see each other again. If my life allows.

Is it spring already in Korea? If so, I hope you'll have a wonderful and worry-free spring, Ddeohae. Eat a lot, exercise well, work well, live well, and be happy! I love you! Thank you once again ♥

Always with love, Ky.