#1245pm

I can’t wait until my next appointment at the hospital.. I know that sounds funny but, I need to know all the discrepancies of my body. I know I have questions about my back, hopefully it’s nothing serious like scoliosis, wouldn’t want a costly surgery like that happening around this time, but I’ve lived with it for many years so what’s a little more waiting going to do. I also have my abdominal pains, hopefully that’s nothing serious like colon cancer. I swear I’m watching too many over-dramatic Korean dramas. I also have my skin and stuff. Okay I’m just thinking the worst but hoping for the best. At this point I just need to know now.

Throughout the day I have so much on my mind that I want to let out but once I’m in front of a keyboard my mind goes blank. Surely I just have the same thoughts replaying in my mind though. I just want to go to school. I’m so very excited for that. I made a mental note to try to visit American River College tomorrow since I work from 5-9. I think I want to get a third job though, just for the summer before school starts you know. I need to rack up as much money as I can. I need to match my Love. 

I’ve been a little more carefree lately, I need to get that off my chest. But it makes me guilty and over-think. I don’t know how to explain that process but really... I guess one of my fears is if I go back to school I won’t have the same discipline I once had. With sleeping early, waking up early, getting things done right away and on time. I’ve been living less keen with details. I need to get that discipline back. Hopefully I do without much trouble.