#12176

In 2013, border and customs officials in Kyrgyzstan discovered a makeshift underwater pipeline on the bed of the river Chu, which was used to smuggle alcohol into the country from neighboring Kazakhstan. – WTF Fun Facts

Mirror, mirror on the wall-

Am I the biggest fool of them all? 

A wicked spell was cast on my weakening heart

That made me believe it was our time to part

So I sent my prince away with the lie

That I was ready to say my last goodbye

And as I watched him ride into the setting sun

I knew that the night had only just begun

  So I put on my gown and went out to the ball

To be adored and admired by one and by all

I got drunk on their words and the bitter red wine

They held me so close, with their lips brushing mine

But the black magic had already started fading away

Before the toll of midnight had time to decay

Words of love turned to laughter and I longed to hide

As all of their worshipping eyes turned aside

Looking up from my rags I sensed deep down

That I was never meant to wear the coveted crown

I sang and I danced and I laughed and I played

But at the end of the night, none of them stayed

I stumbled towards home with bare feet as I thought

My eyes have two pairs of lids. The first pair are the ones that I paint with shadow and mascara. The pair that are open during the day and closed during the night. 

For as long as I can remember, live performances have left me with a deeply profound sensation that I've never had a name for. Whenever I see live music or theater that truly expresses something, I'm left in awe and wonder... and the car ride home always seems so long as I ruminate on the experience I've just had. While I'm in the middle of this mysterious emotion, I don't want to talk to anyone. It's a very introspective time for me. I feel at peace, and yet there is a sense of urgency right below the surface. The world seems full of possibility and promise, and I'm part of it. I feel pretty. I feel powerful. And because live entertainment is always going to be slightly different from show to show, I feel a unique bond with the people who shared that particular experience with me.... including the performers. My perspective changes, and I settle into myself to observe the world rather than interact with it. 

This is inspiration, that's the word I've been looking for. It's deep. It's meaningful. It changes the way your eyes see what's in front of you. It feels familiar and foreign at the same time. It is simultaneously isolating and bonding. It feels like something big trying to exist in a small container. Inspiration... it is truly beautiful and powerful. 

I miss grades. I miss feedback. I miss school. Basically, I just miss an environment that is full of approval and words of affirmation. This last week was the most emotionally stable week that I've had since June, and it was such a relief from the drastic ups and downs that I've been surviving on a daily basis throughout my "quarter-life crisis".

So I was reflecting on the last five days, trying to find a theme in my general well-being, and the common thread that ran through my week was simply "approval". I received feedback from other teachers at my school who insisted that I was doing a great job. My principal provided me with written feedback full of affirming words. My therapist had kind things to say (that one shouldn't count, but it still felt good) about who I am. Just this morning I was working with young musicians one-on-one in front of small audiences, and I had multiple parents, students, and teachers thank me so sincerely for my words and my work. I even had a few peers come out of the woodwork and share kind words about who I am and what I do. 

I need that. Words of affirmation are the reason I've done everything I've ever done. I need people there cheering me on, applauding my accomplishments. It's like a food group for me, and I feel unbalanced and emotionally malnourished without it. 

I wish the "real world" had A+s and smiley faces.