dayone.
it was 4 in the morning, reah was sleeping next to me and my alarm started to ring. i immediately heard it because i kept tossing and turning trying to get some sleep.. i couldn't sleep, i was so excited for this utah trip with you and everyone else. i took a shower and woke reah up. we had all our bags and luggage's all ready to go downstairs, we packed for like 2 weeks, when in actuality we were only gonna be there for 3 1/2 days. haha. ian picked us up and he had chips and drinks. coolers full of food. we didn't know where to put our stuff. we met up with you and vanessa at the target next to my house. we all got out of our cars and gave each other hugs. for some reason, we all drove our own cars. vanessa & vo in their car. reah & ian in theirs.. and you & me in your car. i brought my pillow pet, my blanket, and my bag and plopped them into the passenger seat of your car. i felt like a fool with no makeup on saying good morning to you. i was still so in love with you, but kept it quiet. we fueled up the car and headed for utah ! we listened to music and talked, i was so tired.. but at the same time i didn't want to fall asleep because i wanted to 'accompany' you while you drove us to st. george. i eventually dozed off because i was exhausted, but for the most part, i stayed up. we enjoyed the scenery and looked at all these houses that were placed in the middle of no where and we asked each other if we would live there. haha.
we finally arrived to the timeshare. we checked in and claimed our rooms. we shared the king size bed because obviously it was your timeshare, i was supposed to sleep in the living room, but i asked to sleep in your bed anyway.. because i'm dumb and was afraid to sleep by myself. you had to drive to ogden to check out your room and roommate, you asked me if i wanted to come along.. i said sure. ogden was 6 hours away, and we were in that car with each other for over 10 hours, driving from vegas to st.george, st.george to ogden. ogden to st.george. aha.. again, i wanted to stay up and enjoy the car ride with you. talking and listening to music. playing punch bugees and being mean to each other.. since that's how our friendship worked back then. we finally arrived to the apartment in ogden, where you met your roommate and decided you wanted to stay there. i wasn't surprised. but when you said that you'd "do" her, that kind of hurt. lol. i cried while it was snowing and sat in your car like a fool. you asked me why i was crying i shrugged. i really loved you back then.
on the way back to st.george, we decided to go to ikea. it was our first time at ikea. we messed around with all the furniture, figuring out what was nice and what we would like in our own houses. the kitchens were really nice and so was the beds. we eventually had dinner there. you had those ribs and i had that fish thing. beauty and the beast was playing. haha.. we left ikea and it was raining really hard. i was super afraid to be honest. you driving in that dangerous weather, i was scared. not just for me, but for you too.. i told you that this was the reason why i came with you to ogden, so you wouldn't have to go through this raining/near death experience by yourself. i really cared about you back then too. i never wanted you to be in danger.. there were times i tried to sleep in the car because i was super tired. i purposely put my hand on your seat to see if you'd grab it. haaa. i know that i put my pillow next to your seat so i'd be somewhat close to you. that i remember.. idk like i said, it was just something i did because i really loved you and wondered if you ever liked me..
it was super late and we were still driving, well you were still driving. it was already like 13 hours, we had an hour or something left to get back to st. george. we stopped for gas, it was so cold. i wanted to get out and stretch my legs, but i didn't have the right sweater on.. you let me use your coat, because i was shivering while you were putting gas in the suv. that was the first time you let me borrow something, i thought it was cute. after a million hours later, we finally made it back to the timeshare. i took a shower, and then you did too. we made hot chocolate with vanessa, vo, reah, and ian. we set up the fire place and we just chilled. it was nice. we eventually went to bed.. for some reason, we started tickling each other? i forgot who started that.. i think i touched your ticklish spot or something. then we just started attacking each other with pillows and we just tickled each other. i kept screaming and shit. lol.... eventually i got "annoyed" because i kept getting close to you but nothing happened, so i rolled over to my side of the bed and fell asleep..
i guess the reason why i'm writing this is so i can finally try and forget it. maybe now i can get a grip of things, because this happened in the past. even though i'm so fond of these memories with you, i know its not healthy to keep thinking about it. i know that even though we were once that extremely happy, i have a feeling we won't ever be that happy again. its finally time to let this go and move on.
