#12.26.18

via Daniaal Malik on Instagram - 12/26

Write a poem about uno.

Versace Fall 2016 Shearling Jacket

sometimes it feels like my entire life has been a series of me doing something, being convinced that everyone hates me because of it, and then living in fear and anxiety until that's proven false. then rinse and repeat. which! shocker! is not great. it feels like i should've gotten over the fact that i'm not anybody's favorite person by this point. over and over, people show me that they have someone else they care about much more than they care about me. tonight, i was being reminded of just how much that i'm nobody's priority. *cue mitski* i have a solid (if small) amount of friends and a very privileged situation, but sometimes it really hits home how i just feel like the afterthought, or the person they invited because "oh, she has no one else so they feel bad." i don't think it's even the romantic part of it, although that sucks in its own way. it's that, even in conversation, i am no one's first choice. i am no one's person they want to snuggle with, or get lunch with, or ask how they're doing. idk it was just really getting to me tonight. and then of course i go and do something that is an actual, true fuck up. and it just hammers it home- this is why i am unlovable. this is why i am not their first choice. here i am, after a supposed friendly and nice night with my closest people, and then suddenly he's yelling at me outside, because yes, i am a fucking idiot. no time for calm or gentle words, just yelling and anger. and then i'm crying in my car. sobbing as i drive home in the dark. it's just a verification of what i was already feeling: i am an annoyance an extra unlovable.

meet Scarlet aka Scarry Night aka Scarlet Letter aka Scarlet Jocatsson

official_daniaalmalik: The world is yours 💎☝🏻