me: sooooo, i only got to know your name, which i believee is Isaiah? him: yeah. what's your name again? me: jeannie. he may or may not have repeated my name. me: so are you a freshman (too)? him: yeah. (i can't remember if he asked me back some questions but he did for the most part. and he didn't really initiate any questions.) him: what's your major? me: i'm still undeclared. what about you? him: yeah, me too. (these may not be his exact words but they get the point across.) me: what classes are you taking? him: cs, physics, this class. me: omg, you're taking cs? him: yeah i think i might major in cs. me: whaaat. (i stumbled with my words dammit). i heard cs is so hard here. him: but i like cs so i think it'll be okay. me: how did you find out that you wanted to major in cs? him: i took cs in high school and i liked it. me: oh that's cool. okay so what else are you taking? him: a freshman seminar. me: oh, which freshman seminar? him: espm. me: oh, are you taking it with..... oh what's his name..... (it took me a while to remember his last name.) at this point we cross the road at a point that i had never gone before and i had never seen him go this route either. he was walking in a weird direction so in my head, i was just like what? where are we going? but i just followed his direction. we crossed straight across Kroeber Hall. me: (finally remembered the professor's name) oh! Chapela. is it professor Chapela? him: yeah. me: oh, i'm taking his actual espm class. so you guys had the microcosm project too? him: yeah. me: what'd you do? him: i actually didn't do it because it was optional for our class. me: ohh, lucky. him: what'd you do? me: i grew mold, which was pretty gross but i mean, it worked out since something grew. him: mm me: what classes are you taking next semester? him: cs, math 54, german r5b. me: i heard math 54 is intense. i was going to take german r5b. how did you get in?! him: i had an early phase i. like november 23. i don't know if he can't walk straight or if i can't walk straight or something else but we kept bumping our arms against each other and i was screaming in my head. me: wow. i can't remember mine. lucky. him: what are you taking? me: (i can never remember my schedule and of course not this time either.) another linguistics class. him: with professor Johnson? me: no, it's some other professor. i just heard this class is really easy and it covers the AC and a breadth requirement so yeah. and i'm taking a physics class. but it's with music. him: oh, like acoustics? me: uh, yeah i guess. anddd, i'm taking historical arts since i couldn't get into german r5b. and i'm on the wait list for econ, but i'm like a 106th so i don't know. maybe he asked me about how large the class is? him: my cs class has 1000 students. me: what?! i didn't know there could be that many in one class. him: yeah, it's the largest in (i forget what something Berkeley cs?) history. somehow the conversation got to him saying... him: yeah, in wheeler. and i said something that didn't make sense. and he replied like jokingly mean like actual friends speak and i was like omg this is amazing. him: because i'm in the class right now! me: ohhh, i thought you meant for your next semester cs class. him: no, the one i'm in right now. me: ohh, i see. i haven't been in wheeler yet so i don't know how big the classes are. then i don't know how we transitioned, but i asked him.. me: so where are you from? him: L.A. me: oh, i'm an hour away from L.A. in Irvine. him: which high school? me: Beckman. do you know it? him: no. (omg so dumb.) me: which high school did you go to then? him: LACES me: where? him: LACES (i don't even know if that's right still). me: don't know it. which area of L.A. are you from? him: k-town. me: oh, i figured. so you are Korean? him: yeah. i don't think i told him i was Korean. i told him i interned at SBS broadcasting. me: do you like it here? him: (maybe a bit hesitant) yeah. do you? me: yeah, i do. was it your first choice? him: no. me: then where? him: i actually wanted to go to M.I.T. i got deferred in early action and then i got rejected. me: oh, i'm sorry.... err, at least you like it here. him: was this your first choice? me: i honestly didn't think i was going to get in, but i did and so i just decided to come. we were going to cross the street but the streetlight changed so we just awkwardly turned and kept walking on the same sidewalk. it was silent for a bit because we ran out of things to talk about. we crossed the street on the same side again. me: so are you going to the yule ball? (it was that night.) him: no, i don't think so. my roommates aren't going and do you know ___? me: no. him: oh, well he's (some descriptive thing sounds important) RA and he lives on my floor and he said that he'd only stay for 30 minutes and leave so it sounds like it won't be that great. me: aha, that sounds pretty valid. him: are you. me: no, i don't think so either. my roommate isn't going so i probably won't either. at this point we were reaching his leaving point. he turned to walk down the path and he maybe was going to say bye but i'm not sure, but i called out and basically made him turn back to face me. me: hey, ...do you want to get dinner sometime? (i still can't believe i did this.) him: (i honestly can't remember what he said. but it must have been along the lines of a hesitant yeah or sure. he just wanted to be polite, just like why he agreed to walk back with me in the first place.) i didn't know what to do because i had never ever done this before in my entire life. i don't know how you get people's numbers????? and after a short pause (that felt a lot longer than a pause), i took out my phone from my vest pocket and turned to the contacts page and gave it to him. he took it and punched in his number. then i said something along the lines of thanks, i'll text you or something? i don't know. and then he waved bye maybe? and maybe he said see you later? and i said bye and i walked away. and i was smiling from ear to ear, grasping onto my phone. i got back to the dorms and i got into the room and i fell onto the floor and i screamed and called Rayna and told her the story.

i cannot believe i did all of this. i had planned and planned for months. it took me a month to talk to him after much persistent persuasion from Alyssa. then it took another month or two to ask him to walk back with me, which he replied with a rejection. then it took me another month to talk to him again and finally, all my delusional planning worked. at this point i had given myself this plan so many times that i just was able to somewhat pull through. the circumstances were just right. it was my last chance so i just decided, you know what. if i get rejected, that's fine because i probably won't ever see him again anyway. and if i don't get rejected, then hey, good for me, a friendship may bloom. i knew i would regret it for a good while if i didn't at least try because there was potential just lying there. and there was! i'm so glad i did it, even though it's horribly embarrassing now that i'm looking back on it. i talked to Rayna and Alyssa about it. Rayna told me, "i'm just pulling words out of my ass when i tell you to just go talk to him. i would never have been able to do that. never. wow, you're so brave. i'm so proud of you." Alyssa told me she would rather die than do what i did. i just talked to Kevin today (Saturday, the day after) and he told me that he can't believe i did that and that i'm embarrassing. he knows more than i do and he was like, "aw look at how much you've grown." and i said, "wow i don't want to hear that from you." but seriously, he was giving me tips, which were quite similar to what Alyssa told me so i mean, good job Kevin. and he told me what he thought about him after seeing his fb, which was pretty accurate so i mean, he's really on it. he said he looks like a jerk, LOL. i don't think he's a jerk, but he does give off a bit of a cold vibe. and that he's super popular, which he probably is.

that made me more intimidated because he's popular and now i know that other people definitely think he's good looking because Cassidy, Rayna, and Alyssa said that they thought he was pretty nice looking. i'm socially awkward. he probably doesn't want to talk to me. probably didn't want to walk back with me and definitely did not want to give me his number but had to because how could he reject this small little pathetic Asian girl who's desperately trying so hard. yeah, Rayna told me that he so knows that i'm into him. and maybe Alyssa said something similar to. someone also said that maybe that's better because guys or oblivious or something. i don't know. but even if i do never talk to him ever again, at least i finally accomplished something, i put myself out there, especially to someone i find intimidating, but i did it. i got his number and i am satisfied with that. Cassidy was also very happy for me.

i texted him like an hour later and he texted me back a half hour later. it was great. he used an exclamation point (i'm cry) and he uses apostrophes. i don't know what i should do next though. i realized i never planned anything else past getting his number. i joked about how i need another month to plan again, LOL. could be true. what do i do now? i think i'll text him about the Monday review session but i don't know. what if he doesn't want to talk to me? probably doesn't. i'm so awkward what do i do? dglhskdlfjdlgkshdlfkjglakhdflksjd;kfghadf

i was ecstatic the whole rest of the day. i couldn't wipe the smile off of my face.

Cassidy and i went on a walk through the drizzling rain and we visited Rasputin's cd/dvd store. i lost my ID card but realized it before i was too far from the store. we went back and to my luck, somebody had turned it in to the front desk. Cassidy had just lost her ID card a week ago.

then i went to bed early.

OH, AND IT WAS MOM AND DAD'S ANNIVERSARY SO IT WAS KIND OF CUTE THAT I FINALLY ACTUALLY HAD A CONVERSATION WITH HIM THAT LASTED PAST 30 SECONDS OH MY GOD. OH AND HE'S STILL SUPER CUTE SO YEAH. although his front view is definitely different from what i thought it used to be? or maybe it's not? i just don't get to see it enough i guess. but he's still cute. and he may have 2 moles on his left ear OH MY GOSH THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN IT ON HIS LOBES. YEAH I'VE NEVER SEEN THOSE OH MY GOSH HOW CUTE I'M GOING TO SCREAM. and he looked at me during the walk back. and i'd look at him. and it was cold and just very nice. wow i'm so happy just thinking about it and i've been thinking about it all day today and i just don't know where to go from here. i'm at a loss. but a very happy loss.